It all began the day after I wished upon my first evening star.I felt my heart heating when I first saw him yet there was a gap between us.i couldn't feel my breath the moment I saw his eyes and boy oh boy that smile of his.WOW!!Punctured my heart capsules.There was something about him that I never understood and that always got in between us.The feeling of love is said to make a heart complete but this love was somehow being obstructed by one small little matter which was tough to figure out what!
Every moment we spend together was like heaven-the gentle kisses,the bear hugs,the friendly cuddles,the non-stop philosophical wisdomful talks! But every moment we spend together arguing was no less than hell,the drinking,the difference in opinions,the late nights,the bf's and gf's,the past!!To be honest we were scared.Scared that it might happen again.Totally pessimistic about the view that this time it might just work.
At times I wondered where was the tiny crack that widened us apart.We wanted to feel the passion within our souls.to feel the warmth and tenderness of of our love.In the eyes of destiny we were losing,yet in the eyes of the world we were winning.Only God knew how to heal us but why he kept it a secret is a mystery till today!
We were friends.I usually considered him bogus and I used to call him that 'cause the first few months were spent counselling him.We were totally different people in two totally different worlds but ironically living the same hermit's life.Whoever said that first impressions are the last impressions were so wrong!We had heated discussions about almost practically everythingFoul words were a form of greeting in one conversation.We spent seemingly long hours on the net talking about everything and nothing.No matter how hard we fought,deep down inside we respected each other and there was this unsaid understanding about the other one was feeling.Practically,blame the ego's.We knew where to draw the line.
It was like any other day.No the day didn't seem brighter,and the birds weren't singing and the flowers weren't blooming.It was like just any other day.It was just another sultry day and believe me it was hot!!I went online as usual hoping that he would be there(knowing that he would be there;)),making my everyday excuse of doing my school project.
We exchanged the daily and I fail to recollect how it all began ,what really lead to it.He said he loved me!Huh!!First i thought he was kidding,then I thought he was drinking and then collectively I thought he had now really lost his marbles.I didn't know what to say.i never expected it so soon and neither did I expect it to take place yetthough I was full of surprises.I am not sure but I somehow felt safe and a feeling of security crept into me.
He was mature and smart and funny,he was the type of guy I would have willingly opened up to.Over the course of time I realized we had a lot in common.i felt more optimistic and confident around him.He was like an untold inspiration,serene beauty poised in calm wilderness.I could do things that possibly the older version of me wouldn't have thought of doing.I grew up being a more "caring care-free" individual.He made a woman out of me.It was as if I was addicted to him that I became so hooked up on him in such a short span of time.
Now we began feeling different.There wasn't a gap,no crack,no leak.We felt perfect.After a year now I realize what that crack was.When we first just talked,we were two individuals of two different lifestyles sharing only a feeling.Now we were two,half individuals being bought as one into one lifestyle and I wish that I get to spend my entire life with him.I can't be sure when I say that I won't probably be saying those three words to someone else but I will probably end up not loving that person with the same energy and devotion that I love him with.I will never love anyone as much as I love him.
Inshort,it doesn't take two 1's to make a two but it takes two 1's to make a one.Love seals!!!
Monday, May 15, 2006
Posted by Sana at 2:33 PM
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Everyone needs somebody
to tell their secrets to.
Someone who understands them,
someone who's just like you.
When no one seems to care,
you always stick right by my side;
When my world gets dark and confusing,
I can count on you to be my guide.
We've experienced so much together,
but we always make it through,
Out of everybody in the world,
I'm glad God gave me you.
I know sometimes we argueover a stupid joke or lie,
But no matter what,
I can always be sure
our friendship will never die.
You've been there for me through thick and thin
and have helped me through it all.
When I have a problem or need your help,
all I have to do is call.
With you, my world is a better place
and with you, my world is true;
If I only had one friend left,
I'd want it... to be you.
Posted by Sana at 2:18 AM
The voices of the MSN generation hitherto muffled beneath the beeps and squeaks of instant messages,have spoken.An unfocussed and confused teen signs an automated deal and publishes a book designed to help bewildered old folks navigate the war-zone of teen issues.Enough already of parenting books "written by 50 year olds psychos whose teenage years are long forgotten."Let the old folks know what it really feels like to be a teenager,our perspective,what we really think.
Anyways a friend of mine who is a real wily with almost and practically everything-prefers his name to be kept under lock and key after a trade of nasty emails in response to his unending ventures in the networking world.In his virtual guise he claims to be the representative of a generation who pretends to be something that they're not,whose playground is cyberspace,where spoken conversation is bulldozed by instant messages.
Cyberselves,according to him,are born "partly from that scare-Ooh,you musn't tell anyone your name else they will track you down(there are ways!)and kill you",but also because it's fun to reinvent yourself..Sitting behind the keyboard,you have alot more guts to be outgoing than you do in real life.It's a front for all that.
But for all the artifice there are elements of today's teenage generation that have ring of familiarity.He points out to me an extensive set of subcultures all of whom steady the shifting ground beneath their feet through brand names.He is zealous enough to highlight that our generation is subjected to an unprecedented level of scrutiny by paranoid parents.I decribe his efforts as "new tricks for old dogs", but there are some old tricks for "new dawgs " too:if parents want respect,they should "be consistent".And "we" need to put a bit of effort into it as well.
Like every young and upcoming enterpreneur before him,he is not without self-confidence,"I'm gonna make it big time(yea ryt)"Whatever the changes,teen spirit still smells like a crisp new banknote.And all the best to you dawg!!
Posted by Sana at 2:10 AM
It is for you..that I would do anything
For you have captured my heart...
You hold it within your hands, my love...
And you have from the very start.
You have presented me with a treasure...
One that I hold to so dear...
You've shared with me your heart, love
And I keep it with me here.
I promise it's held in safe keeping...
And I will not allow it to break,
I will handle it ever so gently...
Taking care not to make a mistake...
It is safe here with me, love, I promise
And will be treated with much love and care...
You can trust me to keep it so safely
While apart...I here and you there.
Then one day we shall join our hearts, love
And you'll see what great care I did take...
How I handled your heart so gently
And never allowed it to break.
Posted by Sana at 1:53 AM
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I look at where he's asleep
Never to wake up again.
I place fowers on his resting place,
to take his life away was a sin.
I remember the flashes of light,
I remember his terrified face.
I wish it were me and not him;
I should have given death a taste.
But even though he's gone
I talk to him everyday,
and the weirdest thing is,
I can hear what he has to say.
I can still hear him comforting me,
I can hear his voice everywhere.
I wish I could see him just one more time,
To show him that I always cared.
Why did I wait to show him my feelings?
Now that he's gone,
he will never know that
I cared for no one as much as him.
Why didn't I let my love show?
When he was near,I pushed him away;
When he was far,
I didn't say a word.
But if he had been closer to me
my heart would have been
the loudest thing he would have ever heard.
He had never been close to me,
but death brought us close together.
He's the wind,he's the tree
He's the running water.
My dear beloved
something I 've always wanted to tell you
You are the one I love the most,
there was no one before you
and there never will be anyone after you
I love you!!
Posted by Sana at 7:11 AM