Tuesday, November 29, 2005

let us sit down together
And beat our heads in despair.
At the interminable killings
And never ending warfare.
Of brother killing brother
for the sake of his beliefs
Let us forsake our misguided paths
And seek peace and harmony
Amidst the rains
ofOur once beautiful city;
the city of dreadful night,
Where the treacherous knifeand flaming torch
Leave a trail
of orphans and mourning widows.
Cries of lament rent the air
As a mother cradles her slain son.
Distrust,more venomous than a snake,
Has slithered into our lives
and each believes the other
to bear the mark of Cain.
Let us end this madness
And renounce our
violent ways.
Stop this litany of Hate!
Let saner counsels prevail
For we are the sons of the same soil
Nurtured and nourished
by the same Mother.
Let us become truly
Our brother's keeper.

I met a beggar at break of day
Lying weak on he flagstones
of the city library.
Sightless eyes staring at the
edifice of learning.
Tryin to fathom its knowledge.
Finding no answer to
his craving hunger;
And bitter cold that graved
his aged bones.
A raindrop fell on
his sunken cheek.
like a tear it dropped
from unwept eyes.
Belly skin stretched like
a taut drum.
Hands stiffened in supplication
to the unfeeling passerby.
I met this human derelict
in the last lap of
his futile existence.
Mute testimony of our apathy.
Returning, I saw
his ghostly form
Under a shroud of dirty linen.
Some coins were scattered
here and there,
To dispose off his mortal remains.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

It was like home in these arms of yours
Something in your eyes opened locked doors
You welcomed me in endless salutations
As though I was the water for your parched inclinations
We spent years under the roof, exhilarated
About everything that happened to us, ignorant
About the future and when that blackened day arrives
Lunging at me, plucking me out, the sun barely shines
I am a tattered soul,lost in the wilderness, without you
This life means nothing
Without this clear blue sky that you finger paint
Without this line of glitter trailing
Behind you when you and I meander
Without the sound of fingertips tapping, teasing me,
Your haunting river stream laughing
I can never be anything without your source of care
The reason of every in taken breath,barely there
I will miss you for life and this love I will keep
With every awakening and every sleep.


I am intoxicated by the warmth of the love that the body beside mine generates,engulfing me in it's warmth.I slowly look up and find myself gazing into those coffee brown eyes brimming with love,those eyes that seem to promise me the world.I feel my heart expanding and a shiver runs down my spine.I feel my body fizz with desire as i gaze at his carmine lips.I close my eyes and lean ahead,awaiting his soft lips to engage on mine. A distant voice,I recognize it.It's Green Day,crooning and demanding me to walk on a lonely road.Furious and irritated,I hesitatingly break the kiss.Opening my eyes,I gaze deeply into the coffee brown eyes of Garfield!!!Dazed and confused,I shake myself out of my reverie.Curses........it's my mobile ringing.Liberties to dream peacefully chipped away by people calling you on the weekend.......aaarrgghhh...life!! My eyes half closed,struggling hard to hold on to the moment,I groggily pick up the phone.It's him!!My alarm clock works only 5 days a week,the rest two days he wakes me up,my ENERGIZER BUNNY :D 'Hey baby'.'Hey!'I mutter back,trying to stifle a yawn.'Still in bed?'"Then what.When does one get to sleep when everyday you are mobbed by the monotonous routine of never ending work.'He blows me a kiss over the phone.I return it. 'Since you are still in bed and there's no point in you fixing breakfast....why dont we grab something at the cafe.''Yeah.....sure.I will be ready in a few minutes.See you there.Chao"I hang up. Shortly I arrive at the cafe and see him sitting there at our usual "Yahoo" spot.He's reading a newspaper!!What's gotten into him.Since when did he start referring to newaspapers.I greet him with a little peck on the cheek taking him by surprise.'I ordered pancakes and coffee on my way to the table.Is it ok with you honey?'He smiles,'You know what I want and when I want it.Starting to read me like a book'. I raise my eyebrows and with a naughty smile admit,'More like a newspaper'.Sheepishly,he grins back.'Nahhh........just a little curious to know how many people are going to turn up at tonight's concert.'I sense the nervousness in his voice.I try to calm his frazzled state and make him feel at ease.In the meantime,breakfast arrives.As they say girls grow up to be women but boys will always be boys.They can never eat properly.Glancing sideways,I see maple syrup trickling down his chin.A sly smile crosses my lips and impulsively I lean ahead and lick it off.''Tharki ladki'.'I can't help it dude......you r soo irresistible.'We finish our breakfast and he asks me to come over to his place.Whoever could say no to an offer like that!! Empty take-out cartons litter the kitchen counter.Giving him the look,I dispose them off.He tiptoes behind me and wraps me in a bear hug and kisses me on the nape of my neck.I turn around,kissing him real hard.Ahh....I love kissing.More like I love kissing him.A weird characteristic you may say....something I developed recently.Gosh...........he's soo demonstrative in his affections and enjoys being stroked verbally and physically.He whispers into my ear,'I love you sana.''I love you too',i say looking into his eyes.There's a glint in his eye.'How about hitting the bedroom then',I raise my eyebrows and let out a giggle.'So early in the day'.'Cmon.....be a sport.Boost my morale for tonight.I need the vibrational energy baby.''Oh.....get lost.....there's so much work,not now.''I knew it woman.I just suggested if you could come over into the bedroom and pick out something for me to wear to the concert.'I playfully strangle him and he places a kiss on my forehead. His room resembles that of a true rock-n-roll fanantic.Walls sport posters of Jim Morrison,Aerosmith and his all time favorite-Eddy Vedder.He says he could go gay with this guy.Aaaahhhh........men!They are all crazy. All men seem to share the same tastes when it comes to colors.All I find is black,blue and gray t-shirts and faded jeans that seem to rule his closet.Shit..he could just wear all these to somebody's funeral!!With tension mounting up,I inform him that we need to hit the mall.He lets out an exasperated sigh.He hates to shop even if it's the need of the hour. I drag him to GAP,knowing where to find the perfect outfit for tonight's gig.I pick out a wide array of t-shirts.He gives me the disinterested look and teasingly points towards the lingerie section.Gesturing naughtily,he teases me.'I like that section better'.'Stop it,you pervert.' Knowing the person he is- adventorous,foolhardy,spontaneous,happy-go-lucky,I pick out the perfect assemble.We pay for our purchase and leave.'Not such a boring task is it?'I tell him on our way out.On not receiving a reply,I look over at him.He seems to be occupied.'Hey,are you ok?If you don't like the stuff I picked,we will just go in and change it'.'No....no...it isn't that.''Then what is it sweetie'.'Nothing serious.I am just a little worried about tonight'. I look at him.Nervous wreck.....nah.....can't call him that.Confident.Yes but not too confident.He's usually influenced by hard luck stories and gives in when it might be prudent not to.His easy-going,come what may,generous personality is what people most take advantage of.As I see him,he contains all those qualities of a humanitarian-patient,wise and compassionate and he loves,loves in a way that chooses no favorites and without prejudice.There is an air of mystery and an aura of secrecy around him,not many prefer to approach him because of his analytical and introspective temperament but at the same time he attracts a lot many due to his high aspirations and cheery disposition. He's a philosophical loner,the probing seeker,one who has access to prophetic wisdom and is attracted to the fine arts and philosophy and seems to have direct line to higher wisdom.It comes to him naturally and makes me naturally attracted to him,being a like minded individual myself. We arrive back at his apartment and he brakes hard jolting me out of thoughts of him.He looks at me closely,'Thinking of me again.Don't worry sweetie.I am fine.'He smiles assuringly.There is something so charsimatic about his eyes.They are so deep,once you wander into them,its hard for you to find your way out.I have lost myself in those eye of his countless times.He,being a constructive thinker,can handle details well and it's difficult to noodle your way into his methodical mind. I drive back to my apartment with thoughts of a decent nap.But on getting home I realize there's hardly an hour-an-a-half left.Bullshit!!Is time on a skate board or what?Anyways I take a quick shower.I come out of the shower wrapped in a bathrobe wondering what to wear.I pull out my whole wardrobe down.Somewhere in the "junkyard" I find the creme colored silk kurti he had gifted me last.I get dressed quickly jabbing a little makeup on. I arrive at the Java Club(that's where he's playing),check-in backstage,say a few hellos and sneak into the dressing room.Whoa!!My heart skips a beat.Looking poised and sophisticated,he stands out from the crowd.The perfect rock star.....my ROCKSTAR!!He waves to me.I walk upto him.He wraps me in bear hug and kisses me softly.'Nervous',I ask.'Yeah,just a little',he replies.Our little intimate moment is interrupted by the studio director signalling that the concert begins in 5 minutes.I wish him all the best,give him a kiss on the forehead and leave.Backstage,all his band members huddle up to together to say a little prayer. The comperer announces their arrival on stage.The lights grow dim.The curtain rises.The spotlight beams down upon them.A humble tune drums the ear and the beat keeps rising higher.Girls are already shouting and screaming in excitement and the dancing toes are already in action.The lyrics begin,the chorus starts and in the midst of blues his lips start to move.His words keep streaming out,the heat lifts his spirits up and I find myself humming to the tune.The show is a hit;the song is a hit and to top it all the singer is a hit. 'Did you enjoy yourself?',he asks,looking at me,gazing out of the window.I look back at him.Oh man!!He's amazing,that pose with a tilted head rested on his hand and a smile on his face.I replied,'to the fullest!'This drive back home at a 15 minutes walking distance seems like a century just passing by!The brakes are applied,the engine is switched off and the entire scene comes to a standstill.He moves closer;I rest in his arms and then................. I get out of the car and as I walk down the driveway,I smile back at the gazing face looking at me through the car window.I chuckle to myself,hum the beat of the last song which echoed in my ear and then as I turn my key in the lock,I notice a sparkling gem on my finger. And still the beat goes on....................................................

Stop! Wait!Who is she?
the girl next door?
Who is she?
I wanna know
She sets my heart straight
keeps me up till the morning break.
She turns but never looks at me
Am I so impossible to see
I wanna get acquainted with my neighbour
'coz sheez set my heart and life on fire!
Sheez got the thing going on
thas y I cant carry on
Man,sheez hot wid a spicy clothing
She walks wid a twist that gets me going.
N I cant walk out of my bedroom door
coz I wanna look at her all da more.
Cant wait till she strips at night
Coz thas d wonder tht envies my sight.
Man,if I dint get her as my partner!
I'll find a way to be her gardener!
With my fingers crossed I hope I win the race
coz only then i can live my days !

There is a time in our lives when both our self image and our self esteem are determined by other people. I remember when I was a kid my life was dominated by adults and kids older to me. I saw myself through the messages I received from them. Good messages meant good self image and bad messages obviously meant bad self image. The point is at such a tender age, I responded to those messages and formed a picture of myself and gradually developed feelings that were consistent with it. Naturally, I became what I was told about myself.
But, one of the most important things to understand about self-esteem is that as we get older we have to learn to think for ourselves. We need to realize that we have a choice about the way we are going to respond to the messages from other people. To make it simpler, no one can make you feel anything without your consent.
The point I want to stress more on is its what we believe about ourselves that counts. Who the hell cares what other people say about you. Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that other people aren’t important in regard to our feelings. True all of us need to be told from time to time that we are loved, appreciated and valued. Hey, we need our share of hugs too. It’s not only necessary, but fantastic, to be affirmed by other people whom you care about.
But, but, we can’t just sit there and wait for others to applaud us in order to feel good. We have to take things in our stride and do things that make us feel good about ourselves even without the praise. Then, when it does come, it reaffirms what we are already feeling. So there’s your Bonus point!
Other people can do a lot of stuff for us, intentionally or just made up to make us feel good. But, in the end what really matters is how we portray ourselves. The direct result is what we do and what we think.
So, your self esteem is the reputation you have with yourself!!

Cinnamon Girl

Tennis is a game where you wait for ball to come to you, especially when you play a slow game of dry clay courts. Ramming the last shot with vigor and a feeling of banal pride, I ended the game. Pulling my socks up, and aligning the skewed matrix of racquet guts, I moved to the stands. Take some time before you grab the water bottle after a game, an always overlooked warning. I gulp a few milliliters of water, while my eyes still on the little space age kids. Really the so called “cool babies”, though even they know they are wearing plastic masks, their parents bought them from their riches. I take a deep breath, when I am checked by a pat on my rear head. I turn my head to see who it is. To much of surprise, it is that young girl I saw a little while ago, on the other side of the court. Fairly tomboyish, shoulder length hair locks, a cute smile and a greeting hi. “Hey”, I respond back. “Remember me”, she said. As blank as ever, I said, “no”. She bursts into an expected laughter. “How would you know me, we never met before”. “Yeah Right”. She took her eyes off me and started looking straight, “you want to play a game?” “No, not now”, I am already done, I replied without thinking. “I want you to teach me”, she surprised me with all that interest, and “I have been like watching you for a couple of weeks now”. “Hey thanks you considered me worth that”, I replied feeling honored. She looked back and smiled. There is something with pretty women that you just can’t say no, and if she smiles she knows that she is killing you. “Ok! Let’s give it a try. By the way, what’s your name”, I just couldn’t say no. “Sania Mirza”. “What the fuck”, I was creepy laughing. “Moron! That’s my name, all right! Just a coincidence that it is same as Sania Mirza”, she was annoyed a bit.I taught her a few basics, and shot techniques. Surely she hadn’t learnt anything from the training she was taking and I wasn’t sure that she will retain what I told her. Good for me that she got tired quickly. She was friendly and not shy, unlike me. Certainly, now I take my broadsword out whenever I see such an assault. But I liked the way she took things along. We went for a coffee after the game. I generally drive fast, but this time I wanted it to be slow. I wanted to prolong the time as much as I could. You like chocolates, I said yes I do. Again her smiling face, I wondered why god has been ruthless to men. Why couldn’t he make all men gay and reproduce and work hard for the welfare of MAN kind. You want to go for a drive? I gathered tons of courage and asked her. Not to my surprise she gladly accepted, “that would be awesome”. We went to the road of basking pleasures. Both side lush green forest, curvy roads with tulips smelting gold, and with her arm around my seat. You know why we have no ways out of this world, its because of the pretty things we see here. Every now and then in life we find something that is beautiful. God knew how to control population in his worlds. He sent pretty, material things down to earth to stray goats personified as men. But at times in life you want to untie your self.There was something I didn’t expect to flow in, “Teach my driving”. I resisted. I thought to myself this just gone adult might ram us down some where. She put her hand on my arm and pleaded trust. For a while I just wanted that she never left my arm, but then I would be a sculpture, with donkeys peeing on my feet and crows shitting on my head. “All right! All right, but we just go straight all right, and you do no ruff handling, go smooth”, would I have a chance to say thanks to god. Driving lessons to cutie, another nice job option. Did she smell good, god did all adversities with men only, even after so much sweating she was fragrant. You start slow. Ok. First lessons, I remembered my Dad’s driver, rather I should call him Guruji, and the things he taught me, first lessons are always remembered, like first kiss, first date, first heart break…you can never forget them. I told her all that shit and we moved forward with a few hitches. I just cannot help my dirty mind, or perhaps my so called Dog nature, I looked at her slender legs, and I could take my eyes of them. A woman charisma is like that only, a seduction act, when you let yourself lose. “Nice legs”, I ain’t afraid of complimenting her assets. She daggers another shot into my heart with her foxy eyes and naughty smile. To my ill fate the feet at the end of those flashy legs were pestering the poor accelerator a little too much. My heart concomitant with the poor engine both were pumping hard for survival.“Hey! Calm down. Slow it baby, you don’t have to press it too hard”, I almost shouted. She didn’t listen; instead she gave a kinky look back. You are driving for the first time, slow it. She won’t listen, we were already crossing sixty, my grabbed the hand brake, and the need could be anytime. I screamed again, “why are you doing this? I will pull the hand brake if you persist”. Don’t do that she responded smiling. This girls gone crazy and is going kill me today. We will touch hundred in a little time, please slow down, I literally begged. She felt the wave and quivered not in fear but with a nitro boost. I will slow down if you say that you love me, she caught me with sheer surprise. What is this crap? I retorted. Are you high on crack? No but moron say that you love me. Why do you want me to love you? We don’t even know each other. No, just say it.Why I have to be adamant about certain things all the time? All right! All right! I love you. I love you a lot Sweet heart. And she slowed down and granted me life. She brought the car from 60 to zero in less then five seconds and caused me palpitation. This crazy girl removed her seat belt and kissed me, or rather suffocated me, something that I was supposed to do. She was all drenched with excitement and told me that she knew how to drive; she was just playing a game, and yeah last but not the least she smelled good ;), the cinnamon girl.

The Power of Love!!

The sound of your heartbeat
The depth of your eyes
The warm touch of your hand
the power of love!

The care in your arms
The romance in your voice
The comfort in your words
the power of love!

The tenderness in your touch
The eternity in your kiss
The support in your nature
the power of love!

Deeper than the deepest ocean
Higher than the highest mountain
Broader than the milky way
the power of OUR love!

I WATCHED YOU..........

I watched you pass into the
sands of time
And my heart it wished
Wished that you could still be mine.

I watched youleave in the arms
of another
And my heart it yearned
Yearned for us to be together.

i watched you turn your back away
And my heart it longed
Longed for you
to say.

I watched you leave me
in the past
And my heart it prayed
prayed that this separation
would not last.

I wacthed you hold her hand
and leave
And my heart it drained
Drained like a sieve.

But I only watched you,just watched you.

I watched you get married
And my heart it bled
Bled for the love
that it carried.

I watched you hold her
And my heart it cried
Cried for the love
that would never stay.

I watched you two go home together
And my heart it wept
Wept for the everlasting love
That didn't last forever.

I watched you put your arm
Around her waist
And my heart it broke
Broke by the love that had left
in a haste.

I watched you call her your wife
And my heart it cried
Cried out of shame
of my own life!

All because I watched you
Never touched you
I lost you
Because I watched you
Only watched you...................