Wednesday, March 14, 2007

IN MOURNING.............
If only you could see the tears
in the world you left behind.
If only you could heal my heart
just one more time.
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realize
You're a loss I can't replace
In my heart
you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me......
Lyrics from a favourite song dedicated to a friend of mine.
Focussing only on happy thoughts,it is usually easy for most of us to write anniversary or greeting cards but when it comes down to writing condolence notes for someone who has been a close friend, one tends to be at a loss of words and you don't exactly know what to say because your head is not in place and you are still allowing the thoughts to sink in and are trying to learn to live with it. We feel awkward and uncomfortable.Like a heavy bag of emotions that has been shook violently and you have no idea whaich emotion wants to break through it first - pain,agony,remorse,shock.
Never in my 16 yrs of educated life have I been asked to write a condolence letter/note/card and I don't really know how to go about it.What is appropriate? It is not something that I or someone else would do everyday.I have mourned many a deaths of relatives and acquaintances but never have I grieved over the loss of a friend. I guess that doesn't really happen everyday in our ever so "perfect" lives.
For me Pritish was just another friend who I loved dearly.He was a really good friend.How am I ever going to come to terms with the fact that you are gone and not just gone like to some other city where one finds solace in the feeling that you could atleast keep in touch with a phone call or a message but you are gone and I don't know where and you aren't coming back.
The last thing on my mind when I woke up that morning would have been to hear this,anything but this.I wish I could just go back in time and ask you why.I wish I could have known you even better.Wish I could have spent a little more time with you.Wish I knew this was coming and I wish I could have stopped it from happening.But there is no limit to time and space.You get lost in its wilderness and lose track.
How you laughed like a jerk at all my stupidities and on my getting "high" on plain Cranberry juice.How you didn't believe me when I said I was in an undergraduate program.How you wondered how such small "creatures" could possibly write such big things.How you told me the first time that I write really well just to impress me even though you hadn't read anything.How you confidently made comments about it by smartly asking someone else to read it instead of you.How you bribed me the other day just so that I would tell you why I was depressed.Remember Pritish it was the very same day when you held my hand and told me that you would be there for me through thick and thin.I thought they weren't just words.I thought it was a promise.
I miss you Pritish for all the things you were and for all the things that I missed a chance to know about you.You wanted me to write something for you.Wanted to see your name on my blog.
Here you are.
Just for you !
God Bless and may you rest in peace !