It all began the day after I wished upon my first evening star.I felt my heart heating when I first saw him yet there was a gap between us.i couldn't feel my breath the moment I saw his eyes and boy oh boy that smile of his.WOW!!Punctured my heart capsules.There was something about him that I never understood and that always got in between us.The feeling of love is said to make a heart complete but this love was somehow being obstructed by one small little matter which was tough to figure out what!
Every moment we spend together was like heaven-the gentle kisses,the bear hugs,the friendly cuddles,the non-stop philosophical wisdomful talks! But every moment we spend together arguing was no less than hell,the drinking,the difference in opinions,the late nights,the bf's and gf's,the past!!To be honest we were scared.Scared that it might happen again.Totally pessimistic about the view that this time it might just work.
At times I wondered where was the tiny crack that widened us apart.We wanted to feel the passion within our souls.to feel the warmth and tenderness of of our love.In the eyes of destiny we were losing,yet in the eyes of the world we were winning.Only God knew how to heal us but why he kept it a secret is a mystery till today!
We were friends.I usually considered him bogus and I used to call him that 'cause the first few months were spent counselling him.We were totally different people in two totally different worlds but ironically living the same hermit's life.Whoever said that first impressions are the last impressions were so wrong!We had heated discussions about almost practically everythingFoul words were a form of greeting in one conversation.We spent seemingly long hours on the net talking about everything and nothing.No matter how hard we fought,deep down inside we respected each other and there was this unsaid understanding about the other one was feeling.Practically,blame the ego's.We knew where to draw the line.
It was like any other day.No the day didn't seem brighter,and the birds weren't singing and the flowers weren't blooming.It was like just any other day.It was just another sultry day and believe me it was hot!!I went online as usual hoping that he would be there(knowing that he would be there;)),making my everyday excuse of doing my school project.
We exchanged the daily and I fail to recollect how it all began ,what really lead to it.He said he loved me!Huh!!First i thought he was kidding,then I thought he was drinking and then collectively I thought he had now really lost his marbles.I didn't know what to say.i never expected it so soon and neither did I expect it to take place yetthough I was full of surprises.I am not sure but I somehow felt safe and a feeling of security crept into me.
He was mature and smart and funny,he was the type of guy I would have willingly opened up to.Over the course of time I realized we had a lot in common.i felt more optimistic and confident around him.He was like an untold inspiration,serene beauty poised in calm wilderness.I could do things that possibly the older version of me wouldn't have thought of doing.I grew up being a more "caring care-free" individual.He made a woman out of me.It was as if I was addicted to him that I became so hooked up on him in such a short span of time.
Now we began feeling different.There wasn't a gap,no crack,no leak.We felt perfect.After a year now I realize what that crack was.When we first just talked,we were two individuals of two different lifestyles sharing only a feeling.Now we were two,half individuals being bought as one into one lifestyle and I wish that I get to spend my entire life with him.I can't be sure when I say that I won't probably be saying those three words to someone else but I will probably end up not loving that person with the same energy and devotion that I love him with.I will never love anyone as much as I love him.
Inshort,it doesn't take two 1's to make a two but it takes two 1's to make a one.Love seals!!!
Monday, May 15, 2006
Posted by Sana at 2:33 PM