THE EMOTION WITHIN

I looked up for the meaning of fear on Google and it gave me a wide variety of links to pick it up from.The first option was answers.com and so I copied it.It defines fear as 'a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.' A vague explanation I would say but a definition nonetheless.

If someone asked me what fear to me personally was I would say its just another emotion,not a strong one if one had to categorise it but an emotion in the well of feelings.The depth and the quality of one's fears can be measured by the number of times one has been emotionally disturbed.


Fear was inculcated in an individual in order to derive discipline.The roots of fear have fairly been grounded within us ,deeply in our subconscience,gripping us unawares in it's snake-like fangs.Fear is different for everyone.It can be the fear of losing someone you love;fear can be the loss of a friend in an accident;fear of getting caught when you are lying;fear of failing in an exam;fear of a Dementor's kiss when starts to suck the happy thoughts out of you or just fear of the unknown.


There are fears that arise from attachment such as the fear and anxiety of not finding or being separated from someone or something we feel we need for our security or happiness.The fear comes to the surface from our own uncontrolled minds or delusions and in particular, the fears arise from the mind of self-grasping ignorance which is the root of all other delusions and thus the equivalent source of all fears.

DEATH SO SUDDEN

There are things unsaid
Things untold.
Yet we know so much
Secrets behold.
I live to see the daylight yet again
But you are gone
And I don't know how to ease
My pain.
Didn't think it would come so soon
Life is uncertain
And there is no room.
You have gone to a place.
Don't know what it's like.
But I do know that
You are gonna
Be happy and safe.
Free from the strings
Of this God-forsaken place.
In the midst of reality
I find myself to face.
The pain of your death
That came in a haste.

LOVING YOU WITHOUT A REASON

I am holding onto something unnerving
Something uncertain
Feels like I am flying without wings
Don't know who to trust
Don't know what to believe
If it's true love that you make me feel
Then why do i weep.
I don't want to understand anymore
'Cause I have understood enough
I don't want to be given reasons to
'Cause I have heard enough
I don't want to be lied to
'Cause I have cried enough
You are so close
And you mean so much
At night when I sleep
My heart it aches
Aches for your touch
I want you to know
That you make me happy
I want you to know
You make me cry
I want you to know
You are a big part of my life
Even though you aren't here
I still survive.

COMFORTABLY NUMB

The journey which I am about to undertake is quite different from the one's I have taken before. I consider it a spiritual journey. A satisfying journey. I have decided to take this journey to free myself from the expectations and the norms that bind me to this materialistic,unsatisfying and greedy environment. Breathing seems impossible,suffocate to survive. Words can't be heard, scream till you die. I am lost in the melodrama of the footsteps, lost in the wilderness and the smooth roughness of his voice. He is the leader of the pack of wolves that scream,growl and wave for his attention. It is a place where you must let go of everything that holds you down. Let go of whatever binds you to the intricacies of life.

I feel like a free soul, soaring high.

I feel like a puppet, in the hands of time.

This place is a cross-cultural entity. All around me I see unfamiliar faces, worn out faces. I drop my head and drown in my sorrow 'cause there will be a no tomorrow like this. Music is the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. It brings people from different races,cultures,ethics,moral backgrounds together.Not a big fan of the hip hop culture, I feel Rock is what spells music - good,fulfilling,enduring music. That specific genre has people swinging to it,completely lost and untouched and I can say that with proof.Been there, done that.

His voice is deep matched with a prerogative tone. He knows what he can do with it. We know what he can do with it. We raise our hands, bow our heads, close our eyes and get ready to take a journey through the unknown. Colours,tones,lines and words describe the moment.Spatial relationships, proximities and time-lines attempt to hide/reveal what is happening.

I can hear voices. Sometimes past events echo and manifest themselves again in future entities. The pitch falls high and low. The waves from the microphone feel like the waves in the sea. Mesmerizing,engulfing and drowning you with each note that echoes through it.

Then everything comes to a sudden standstill. The music stops,the crowd gasps as he says that it would be all for tonight. The crowd screams for more of him in unison.I scream but my voice in lost amongst the voices of the heard.

He smiles,gets on stage. Clasps his hand in the form of an Indian greeting and plays one last song before he retires.

His voice could still be heard from far away. There were voices in my head that I awoke to so many times during the night just to hear the one last beat, a single note, to feel a faint glimpse of that beautiful faraway feeling that caught me unawares and left me standing,wanting for more.

IN MOURNING.............

If only you could see the tears

in the world you left behind.

If only you could heal my heart

just one more time.

Even when I close my eyes

There's an image of your face

And once again I come to realize

You're a loss I can't replace
Soledad

In my heart

you were the only

And your memory lives on

Why did you leave me......

Lyrics from a favourite song dedicated to a friend of mine.

Focussing only on happy thoughts,it is usually easy for most of us to write anniversary or greeting cards but when it comes down to writing condolence notes for someone who has been a close friend, one tends to be at a loss of words and you don't exactly know what to say because your head is not in place and you are still allowing the thoughts to sink in and are trying to learn to live with it. We feel awkward and uncomfortable.Like a heavy bag of emotions that has been shook violently and you have no idea whaich emotion wants to break through it first - pain,agony,remorse,shock.

Never in my 16 yrs of educated life have I been asked to write a condolence letter/note/card and I don't really know how to go about it.What is appropriate? It is not something that I or someone else would do everyday.I have mourned many a deaths of relatives and acquaintances but never have I grieved over the loss of a friend. I guess that doesn't really happen everyday in our ever so "perfect" lives.

For me Pritish was just another friend who I loved dearly.He was a really good friend.How am I ever going to come to terms with the fact that you are gone and not just gone like to some other city where one finds solace in the feeling that you could atleast keep in touch with a phone call or a message but you are gone and I don't know where and you aren't coming back.

The last thing on my mind when I woke up that morning would have been to hear this,anything but this.I wish I could just go back in time and ask you why.I wish I could have known you even better.Wish I could have spent a little more time with you.Wish I knew this was coming and I wish I could have stopped it from happening.But there is no limit to time and space.You get lost in its wilderness and lose track.

How you laughed like a jerk at all my stupidities and on my getting "high" on plain Cranberry juice.How you didn't believe me when I said I was in an undergraduate program.How you wondered how such small "creatures" could possibly write such big things.How you told me the first time that I write really well just to impress me even though you hadn't read anything.How you confidently made comments about it by smartly asking someone else to read it instead of you.How you bribed me the other day just so that I would tell you why I was depressed.Remember Pritish it was the very same day when you held my hand and told me that you would be there for me through thick and thin.I thought they weren't just words.I thought it was a promise.

I miss you Pritish for all the things you were and for all the things that I missed a chance to know about you.You wanted me to write something for you.Wanted to see your name on my blog.

Here you are.

Just for you !

God Bless and may you rest in peace !