Echoes and Eloquence - A Maelstrom of Prominence

For Mumbai.......

2008-11-29T23:33:00.005+05:30

Its hard to come to terms with what has happened in Mumbai. I set out to write a poem for the innocent but I couldn't. If only words could satisfy grief.

The Mumbai incident episode has been put to an end. But is it really the end or is it the end of a new beginning or the beginning of the end.

Failed to comprehend why it all happened. Failed to understand the motive.

Terrorists at least have an open agenda. The politicians are those who are the ones who have a hidden ulterior motive, a secret agenda. Who do we blame?

Our neighbours?
The politicians?
or
Us?

Why do I say that?

Because it is our fault. We as a generation are not just growing trend wise,economy wise but also increasingly becoming efficient in not putting terror to R.I.P but initiating every bit of it.
We choose the people.We choose the government. We have no right to crib. No right to complain. No right to point fingers at others when we ourselves are to be blamed.

We as citizens should realize for once that it us who define our country. No matter the atrocities and the hatred that we have built in among ourselves, we must realize that someone somewhere needs us irrespective of caste and religion.

61 years and we aren't young. We should have learnt from our mistakes a long time ago.

Stop blaming and start playing.

Chess board set. The lines drawn. The players in position.

I, pledge today to do whatever it is that I can to help minimalize activities of vengeance, hatred and fear.

I am going to face it when its comes to me. I am ready.

Are you?

"and the billion candles burning
light the dark side of every human mind

and each small candle
lights a corner of the dark..."

Jago and VOTE ! :D

2008-10-02T20:42:00.001+05:30

Hi, everyone!

My cousin Emmaluz submitted an entry in a scholarship contest sponsored by Converse. I'd like to request your assistance by voting for her entry and if it won't take much of your time, forward this message to your friends as well.

You may vote for her entry through the link below:

http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=638519_69786383&pid=1210967&scid=313&=fast_photo2_PPIMEMAIL_PPIMEMAIL&isep=1&pbapi=1214218&pbvi=38559684&pdi=2366

Thank you very much for your time.

Spread the love!

Cheers,
Jaycee Perez

25> 50 :D

2008-10-02T01:09:00.001+05:30

As it has been declared that it is Eid tomorrow, everyone goes mighty mad the way they do every year. I don't understand the logic behind going nuts shopping for a festival! I mean what's going to happen if you actually don't get the right kind of dress..I am sure you wouldn't fall on that side of the poverty line.

I am sure no one would really go hungry in your house if you didn't cook a lavish meal because food just keeps pouring in from all corners.

Anyway, I went out and got my stuff today after a week of ragging by my Grandmom. Its all good. She thinks I dress too less not in terms of the amount of clothing I put on but the kind of clothes that I wear. She says they are insufficient to make me look like a girl. No clue what point she wants to make. I have enough boobies to make me look like a girl *Too much information not required*

Now this year I planned on surprising her by being "elegantly" and "femininely" dressed so I planned upon getting a pair of matching bangles and earrings and all that jazz. So after getting the kurti from Shoppers Stop, I decided upon going to Lad Bazar. For all you noobies who haven't ever been to Hyderabad, Lad Bazar is at Charminar where you get the most amazing bangles in the world * its a universal claim by all womankind so shut it*

So I am at there and let me give you a little insight. Lad bazar is always full of people. Men, women, children, idiots who don't really know how to park their cars, scumbag cyclists who park their treasured wheels in places of cars. There is hardly any place to walk and there is no such thing as a pavement.

No sir ! Pavements are banned. In India, you walk on the road like you own it !

So anyway getting back to topic, I was making my way through the crowded street of a strangely familiar area. I know this place yet I am always confused. I find a decent looking shop and make my way in. I stand at the counter looking for a pair of matching studs or hangings. I wanted to look all girley and strangely the thought excited me :|

A while later a woman in her early thirties walks in balancing a zillion handbags. Almost all of them are branded. She looks well educated too and by well educated I mean decent looking, not the usual "burkha" clad women who are too loud for their own ears. She was nice ! Like how black RnB singers will call a woman FINE in that typical accent in every song they sing. *Fiieeeeeennn*

One of the young attendants approach her and she asks for matching jewellery, make up and bangles *wow...some people have all the money to waste*

Educated Woman: Bhaiyya woh dikhana ( Brother, show me that)
Attendant: yeh wala madam? ( This one madam?)

EW: Nahin, uske side wala ( No, the one on the side)
*Attendant takes it out and shows it to her*

EW: Kitna lagarein bhaiyya? ( How much are you labelling it brother?)
A: pacchis rupaye madam ( 25 rupees madam)

EW: Kya? Pacchis Rupaye !!! (what ?? 25 Rs!!)
A: Isse kam nahin milta madam ( You won't get less than this madam)

EW: Kam nahin milta...kal hi main pacchas main leke gayi (I bought it for 50 rs yesterday)

And the attendant just stared at her. I stared at her. We all stared at her. The educated woman didn't know Hindi "ginti" or numbers in Hindi. It was weirdly funny !

Moral of the story is if you can't talk in your matrbhasha, don't even try to at least not in a store !

How to Fool an Auto guy For Dummies !

2008-09-23T16:56:00.001+05:30

@ Lifestyle which is just 5 minutes from where I have to go to and i know autos charge a lot..hardly would be sum 15 rs..

Sana: Bhaiyya...chalte?
Autowala: Kahan jana hai?

Sana: Noor khan Bazar
Autowala: Aao betho

*I trick him into taking me to Noor khan which is a good 10 kms away.the reason I did that was because i know they charge more fer places nearby*

Sana: *fakes a phone call* arre what happened ya....injury ho gayi?? *pause*
shit!!! *long pause*
*Auto wala in the mean time is looking at my face through the rear view mirror*

Sana: acha tu ruk ghar pe..we will go to the hospital together..
bhaiyya idhar somajiguda pe chodna(;eave) hai...sorry bhaiya..

Autowala: acha thik hai

:)

Excuse me sir, I have a stolen pullover to report

2008-09-20T01:12:00.002+05:30

Its been almost a week since I got back from Canada and boy it has been really hectic after that. I have been so busy with projects and assignments and notes and friends and dinners and welcome back parties that I haven't had time for myself. (Har Har) Ok Ok you got me. I was just bluffing. Nothing of the sort happened. No one cares that I am back. A couple of messages here and a couple of messages there asking me what all had I bought back with me for them [:|] Exactly that's all anyone cares about.
Anyway this post isn't about that. Its about my missing Pullover rather STOLEN-IN-FRONT-OF-EYESIGHT-PULLOVER ! No you morons !(It wasn't literally in front of my sight when it was stolen)
I had a stop over at Abu Dhabi for 2 hours before I boarded my plane to Bombay. Mind you I was traveling alone. Killing time wasn't easy. I spent as much time as possible in the loo sitting on the comod thinking of whether to pick up a carton of ciggis for friends who would be more than shameless to worship me if I did. But then again I don't smoke so I chucked the whole idea and I don't like making my friends happy. Then I thought of running up and down the escalator. All that sitting around for 14 and a half hours had killed my legs. I wanted to feel alive again.
I checked out duty free shops because deep down inside it makes me feel good to have that feeling that I could afford such lame luxuries. Shopping at duty free is a lame luxury according to me and I don't shop so don't come back at me. They rip you off duty and that to for free that is why its called DUTY FREE! (I owe my lame PJ cracking to Rituraj)
I roam around up and down for a while then I stand in line and wait for my turn at a free Internet access joint. Now I don't know if Abu Dhabi is a busy airport but it sure looked busy at this corner.
It felt as if I was standing at the beginning of a race line. The only difference was that there was no one to pull the trigger and say "On your marks,ready,set,go!"
All that one could see was the distance the mind calculated subconsciously in order to get to the prey on time. A hungry tiger waiting to pounce on the eyed gazelle.
The guy at the computer gets done with his work and I move in fast but then you know situations like these embarrass me. Its a petty thing to be fighting for so I stand back and let the other hyena feast on my gazelle. I wait a few more minutes before another computer stand becomes empty.
All I had in hand was my pullover(:(),the water bottle I purchased rather someone else paid 3 dhs for me because I was paying 100 riyals which is equal to a 1000 rupees unless market value has gone up. I was giving her 100 riyals just to pay for a three dhs bottle. Ha! I am a rich B****!
So anyway water bottle, PULLOVER and my hand bag which I put on the ground between my legs(I was standing.Stop getting weird thoughts). I put them all where I could see them.
I was gayly looking at the keyboard when someone else came tapping on my shoulder asking me if I was done.
"Does it look like I am done? Bloody Orkut doesn't work in this country. Works in a third world country like Africa. The net sucks here"
By the time I finish that sentence in my head and look back at my screen, from the corner of my eye I see a dash of blue fly by. I ignore. I get done with my mail checking and facebooking and chatting so I sign out and get ready to leave.
I keep staring at the space where I had kept my pullover last,more like first and last resting place. I look around madly. I ask the man behind me if he had seen my pullover and he says "Bulldozer" :| (yeah you moron and I wish you ran under one)
I ask the woman beside me. She keeps staring at her screen. No response. Dead. Still Standing.
I search for my it frantically and its no where to be seen. Now I can't even call for it now can I. I just keep going around in circles searching for it.
Finally I walk up to an Information Desk (yes sadly to report a missing jacket and not ask for directions)
Now I really don't know how exactly should I be pointing out to her as to what my problem really was. Anyway I say it out loud to her.
"Hi. I was standing at the internet junction checking my mails when someone stole my jacket.Can you help me?"
"JACKET!! You are here to report a jacket?" She gave me that look to ask me if I was one of those people fooling people on camera just for gags.
"where were you standing?"
"Right there" I point out to her. "Look I know its stupid but I don't know how to get it back but its my jacket and I want it back!"
"I am sorry miss but we have no one working in that department as of yet" :|
"Why would they take my jacket?"
"I think they liked it"

CASE CLOSED

We should have Abu Dhabi police personnel in India. They solve cases in a jiffy !

The L(a)ost Chronicle from Toronto...Part Three

2008-09-03T09:48:00.005+05:30

There was supposed to be no third part to my journey but I am writing it on Public Demand. Don't blame me if its not as exciting or thrilling as the last two. Anyway here it goes..

CHAPTER THREE - I don't feel like an Idiot anymore :D

The region of Waterloo and Kitchener is small compared to Brampton with a population of only 126,742 (wikipedia claim) No this isn't the same Waterloo where Bonaparte's Italian ass was kicked. That Waterloo is way over in Belgium.
Whoever named the places on the world map sucked at Geography. There are two names for each place in the world. Canada has a London. UK has one too. There's Waterloo in Belgium and there's one in Canada too. Like a five year old kid would say, "Cheater Cock Canadians- CCC". (PJ !! Blame it on the kid)
Yeah so I get onto an overcrowded bus and pay my fare. I find myself a seat near a woman who is talking way loudly than required on her phone of course.

Loud Mouth: " Ok so is Mike getting the truck 'coz I need to transfer all my stuff to my new apartment."
Sore ear on the other end: " If Mike transfers all your stuff, what does Mike get?"
Loud Mouth: " I don't know. I just coloured my hair black but I am really blonde. Was that a trick question?"
Sore ear on the other end: "No bitch ! Go find yourself another mover!" *hangs up*
Loud Mouth: "Shit network ! I hate this phone."

She literally threw the phone back into her bag. No wonder people don't want to help her move. She releases herself from the recent minute's fury by removing her make up kit from the bag and starts jabbing it on her face. Make up is like a stress buster for us women not that I wear a lot or any make up. Serves as an ego booster. The poorest of poorest shall be transformed into Cinderellas with a little jab here and a little botox there. Calms you down somehow (this tip is strictly for women. Men restrain from carrying out any of the above suggested)
So anyway loud mouth is feeling good about herself again.She doesn't really care if she moves into her new apartment without any furniture. She starts texting now. Hail the Lord !
I can't take her presence anymore not because she is annoying but because she is pretty.
Tanned skin. Torn denim shorts. Dark jet black hair upto her shoulders. Long lashes. Practically hot ! Again I am a girl and I have no chance with her so I sulkily get up cursing my life and sit down next to a dorky guy. Its no fun at all.
By this time I think I had mastered that look on my face of "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM GOING AND I AM TOO EMBARRASSED TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS.HELP!"
The guy moved in a bit to give me space and then he asks me as to where I was headed. I say UOW. He says I am going that side too. (Of course why would you be on this bus if you weren't)
I mean why would I care where you were going. He notices the look on my face and smiles. I smile back just to be polite.
Sigh
I just want to get to Waterloo asap. I just want to stop traveling. I have had enough for a day.People keep pouring in and out of the bus every few minutes. Finally destination Uo Waterloo arrives.
Now the campus is big Huge HUMUNGOUS ! I spot Wilfred Laurier (pronounced as Lauri-eh) on the other side. That's where I am going to be hopefully next year (whomsoever reads this line shall be subjected to cross his fingers at least once for luck.Thank you).
UOW gives you the feeling of being in an intellectual space amidst the smarter section of a civilized cultured society.
I message my friend and he asks me to stay wherever I am and that he is coming to pick me up. He knows my sense of traveling and he doesn't want anymore of me getting lost. Now I really can't argue with that now can I so I wait.
The first thing I tell him is that I need a cigarette. He says that they don't get it in my size there(Roaring laughter). We grab breakfast. He has a meeting with his superior at one so he asks me to walk fast. I burn my mouth on the coffee that I have bought so I get a straw and I start sipping from it.
"Amod, have you seen anyone drinking coffee from a straw before?"
"There are all sorts of idiots in the world." :| (BURNNNNNNN !!!)
He shows me the campus on our little walk to the library where he drops me off. The library is pretty amazing and this is just one Departmental library. Department of Math [:|] So I sit and I am scared to explore.
There are people sitting right left centre mid-rif to me. All intelligent brainiards ! And I realise I am at the wrong place at possibly the right time so in order to gel in I do what I am really good at- Observe and then make fun of the people around ( In pure sadistic terms)
There are Chinkies, Indians and Arabs. Those three are the only races that I saw swarming in and out of the campus and its easy to spot them. The chinkies no matter if they are Japanese,Korean, Vietnamese or plain Mongolian, they are flat faced all of them (No offense. Just an observation) Second,we are a large species. Us Indians ! Brown, wearing loose clothes,bata chappals. Arabs, I seriously have no idea how they got there.
I sign in to my messengers,check my emails,buzz everyone online to keep me company for an hour and to look smart I start blogging. I do it for a half an hour when my friend comes back.
I walk out of the library and into DC. DC aka Davis Centre. The techies need to provide codecs to almost everything. Its like they can't understand long words. They need to shorten everything to provide substantial space in their already numerically clogged computerized brains.
I check out his workplace. Its nice ! Its not even a cubicle. Now before walking into it I didn't really know what to expect. I thought it would be a typical nerdy rat hole with deadline stamps stuck all over,research paper piles on the desks, uneaten sandwich wrappers lying around. No nothing of the sort. 6 cubicles stuffed into one. Interesting.
I like what they have done with their little domain.
Its 4:30 and I think I should leave so I gather up my things and walk out of the building. There is a greyhound bus right there. I walk up to the bus driver and ask him if the bus is going to Toronto.He answers in the affirmative.
I get on the bus. Quite pleased over the fact that I didn't have to walk all the way back to Charles Terminal. I feel relaxed,composed, a little tired of course but its all good.

I can travel in a bus ! On my own !
YAY !
Now if I had said that to my friends back in India they would just laugh their bloated asses off. But I did and I have an account of it.
The journey back to Brampton wasn't as exciting as it was when I was going there but it was more like a challenge as to what limit can I push my guts off to. 95 kms I think if you take it one way ;) :)
It was funny. I was giving directions to others while on my way back.
I maybe bad with directions or places or whatever it is you may tag me with but I am no Columbus.
I, for one didn't think that the Battle of Waterloo was fought here.
I wasn't looking for landmarks to prove the same.
I is genius ! :|

Almost lost in Toronto - Part two

2008-09-02T05:09:00.002+05:30

CHAPTER TWO - Directions ! Directions !

Yeah so I am back to being on my own and I am looking for another Everton to help me out. I head out of the subway station and I look around for a help desk to help me with my not so good sense of direction. I walk up to a man who is drinking coffee sitting at a table at a nearby coffee shop. He says that I need to get on to Bay Street but he doesn't know the way. He used to work around that place several years ago but he has no idea about it now. He directs me to the information desk which is located at the end of the square.
Now this place is the heart of Toronto.The place from where the beat starts to rise. Though some others would say the heart of Canada is Montreal. Anyway I haven't been there so I don't know.
The chic at the information desk gives me directions to Bay Street. I couldn't really understand what she said. I think she was still sleepy. So i walk to the intersection and ask an Indian man how to get on to Bay Street. He gives it to me properly :)
Bay Street is like three blocks ahead and at a 5 mins walking distance and when I get there I walk to the parking lot and ask two black men where to get my Grey Hound ticket from and they reply in the most obvious of statements.
"Why from the greyhound station right across the street." Of-course. [:|] Smart-mouths !
I walk in to the station and to another Information desk.Walking to information desk is such an easy task now.Anyway I tell my story to a woman behind the counter and she says that I need to pick up my ticket from someone in a yellow vest.I look for one but I can't really seem to differentiate between people wearing yellow jackets and yellow vests.I spot someone in a yellow jacket but he is standing in line. He is a passenger.I go back inside and I ask an Italian woman. She has no clue. I ask an Asian. She doesn't know what I am talking about.
Finally I see this gay man wearing a yellow vest walking towards the exit and I get hold of him and ask him as to where I can pick my ticket from. He asks me for details. I tell him that I had deliberately missed the bus at 8:30 and now wanted to get my ticket re-issued. He tells me that I need to pay 15$ for my imbecile sense of timing and stupidity. As if I am left with a choice. I pay up. He disappears for a good 15 minutes. Another lady gets me my ticket and asks me to qew up in line at stop 12. I walk over and stand in line like everybody else.
There is an Asian couple standing ahead in line and they are "coochie-cooing". Yes I am a very frustrated soul and I don't like it when I watch people making out in public. It just makes me sad because I don't get as much action as they do. Anyway...
Yeah so I am on the right bus finally but I am still not sure because it says that the bus' last stop is Stratford and not Charles terminal and that's where I am supposed to get off. Anyway I hop onto the bus and wait patiently for it to fill in. That's when I realize that in my runaway madness I have forgotten to eat breakfast. Not that I care much but I haven't had any food or drink for the past 4 hours and I am hungry like crazy ! So to make myself feel better I think about a nice hot juicy steak with mashed potatoes and a nice chilled bottle of coke (stomach starts making weird gurgling noises. Wrong thought. I shut up.)
A pretty blonde chic comes and sits right next to me. I ask her as to where she is getting off and she says Cambridge which is quite far from Waterloo. So I tell her that I need to get down at Waterloo and she suggests that I take a cab there. Har Har!
True to her hair colour. Waterloo is a good 30 kms from Cambridge as in the University of Waterloo and she suggests that I take a cab there !
"It will only be somewhat around 20$."
My ass it will be 20 bucks. She has no idea whatsoever so I politely smile and say thanks anyway and chug my earphones in. She falls asleep too.
I notice she is pretty. Has nice hair.A not so toned tummy but still long legs. Then I realize I am a girl.
I admire Toronto's towering cityscape.There is a Blue Jays game on Saturday, the sign blinks on and off at the Roger's Stadium.
Toronto has a charm. It has the charm of making you feel comfortable. Even though you are lost and you know it, it still is fun. Exciting. Thrilling. Scary. Lets sum them up and term it the ETS factor.
So anyway I fall asleep too for a few minutes only worried that I might not get down at the right station. Maybe I am just plain excited because I am on my own. I don't have to answer to anyone as to where I am or where I am really going even though it was for a few hours. Freedom to not be questioned felt nice all over again. I am used to it now and I get easily annoyed when I am questioned about my whereabouts.
Anyway the chic gets down at Cambridge and wishes me all the best. How sweet ! No..really. I am not being sarcastic.
I don't even ask the driver anymore because I am ashamed and embarrassed that I can't do such a simple task of going from A to B. So I just shrivel back into my seat and look ahead.We arrive at Waterloo a few minutes later and he drops a few more passengers at Sports World. Now Waterloo is a huge place. Waterloo-Kitchener together make up one region so you would obviously be expecting a lot of small villages in between.
Now I am a city-zen of a proper city. I get into an auto and I ask him to take me wherever I have to go to.Its that simple or maybe I am just used to that kind of traveling.
Finally, the bus stops at Charles Terminal at Kitchener and I heave a huge sigh of relief.Now one last task of finding a bus to UOW. I need to use the bathroom first. Things have been messier in my stomach as compared to things in my head. I quickly freshen up and follow the signs.The bus that goes to University of Waterloo arrives a few minutes later. I get on. Pay my fare.Find myself a seat and wait anxiously to arrive at my destination.
After 4 and a half hours of constant traveling,changing of buses,subways and stations, I am tired and I am hungry and I am happy. I quietly silently give myself the award for my gutsy-ness. Now most people would think of this as a simple everyday task. It isn't really. To be out in the open in a completely new and different place,its not difficult but its not easy either.
I had fun and I loved the experience. I think I will do it again.This time please God, let it be overseas ;) :D

"Almost lost in Toronto" - Coming to a broadway near you

2008-09-01T09:32:00.002+05:30

Smitten by a Beetle in Red would have been my last post if I hadn't made it safely to Waterloo. Yeah it was an adventurous ride alright and the thing about adventurous rides is that they scare you,make you nervous and just scare you a bit more. No matter how scared I am, no matter how lost I would be, I would never admit it to you that I was. That's a bloated ego. Period.

CHAPTER ONE - THE GREAT ESCAPE

Honestly it felt like I was running away from home. I had my backpack,cash,credit card and my passport and of course an extra tee just in case. I had almost everything basic that one would require to elope except the one tee which isn't enough if you are going away for long.
The fun begins at 6:15 when my alarm doesn't really go off. Now it was my mum's order that I tag my brother along wherever I go.
"It's a new city. You might get raped." (Canada is full of hot chics and its the summer so you know what to expect)
So yeah I wake up at 6:15 am, get ready and sneak out of the house at 7 (I "tried" waking my brother up but the best part about him is that even if there was a mob of mad men knocking at his door plotting to kill him, he would still be sleeping soundly.)
I wait for the bus patiently impatient. I just want to be at the bus station on time. Weird math time calculations happen in my tiny head and I am doing it all wrong. Heck who cares ! I still have one and a half hour to reach Toronto. I know I will make it.
See that's the thing with being over smart. You keep re-assuring yourself that you can do it all. *bangs head*
I get to Bramalea City Centre(10 mins drive from my place by car. 20 minutes by bus) finally at 7:30 am and I get myself a bus ticket. Now the funny part is I don't really know which terminal to board it from. The black blonde chic who everyone thinks is a barbie has no idea. So I walk out and I meet my first God sent male angel in a black jacket.
Black jacket,collar up because it's drizzling (damn classy) an unlit cigarette pressed between his lips, white ear plugs drumming music to his ear drums and how can I forget the hat. I am guessing he was wearing a Dobbs Rosebud Milan Straw Fedora (it looks like it from the picture on google search) It was still dark and I couldn't really make out but yeah he was wearing a classy hat(Ok..enough with the hat).
So I walk up to him even though he looked a little scary because he was black(?) (shoot me for my racism and un-shoot me because I still approached him)

Me: hey!
Hat dude: Hey!
Me: Do you know where I could board the GO bus from? I need to get to Toronto.
Hat dude: Umm..I am not so sure. There are GO buses on that side but then I don't know. You will have to wait for another half an hour or so I think.
Me: Oh ! But I have to get to Toronto because I have a bus from there at 8:30.
Hat dude: *laughs at my stupidity* There is no way you can reach Toronto in an hour because you will have to change stations and buses.
Me: Hmm..there are no cabs around here either. Otherwise I would have just hopped on to one and left. *smiles*
Hat dude: *chuckles* You want to take a cab?! A cab to downtown Toronto?! It's gonna be shit expensive (meantime I am falling in love with his accent and his voice)
Me: Like how much?
Hat dude: 70$
Me: Oh shit !
Hat dude: Your best bet is to hop on to this bus (bus arrives. It says Avondale) It will drop you off at the GO station. I am on my way to Toronto as well.I take the GO train there.
Me:*has no idea what the difference between a GO train or a subway is* Ahan *nods blankly*

I get on to the bus as advised. We do small talk. He tells me he has just moved to Canada a month ago from London (Class-ier!) and he is living in Brampton with his parents because his condo in Toronto is getting furnished. Too much information I think when its not really required.
So I think to myself that now is a safe time to let him know that I am new to the city too. He can't take advantage of me(advantage in the sense- give you wrong directions, has power over you..something based on those lines. Just try and jam it in)
So we are just chit chatting randomly and we get to the train station. He directs me to the information desk and I as predictable and as blind as ever walk to where he says he is going to catch his train from after he is done smoking his morning daily.
I walk to the tracks and back again to the floor where the Information desk is.There is a long queue and I hate standing in lines. Its a mob of mixed species of all kinds here. Elderly,teens,whites,blacks,browns and a separate class of morons like me. I await my turn and haha! this is funny. I am 5 ft n 2 inches and the microphone encrusted in the glass slab was at a height of 5 ft 6. I approach the mic and the guy behind it smiles,bends and leans in to hear me. I tell him of my situation and he looks at me with hopeless eyes and says to me that there is no way that I could make it to Toronto in 25 minutes because the train arrives at 8:08 and that it reaches Toronto Union Station at 8:35. Sad luck ! I thank him and I leave.Now my mind is buzzing with sad-ass ideas. I need to get to Toronto first and that's when I will decide what to do. The quest begins for that familiar face again. I look around a bit and I can't spot him. Maybe he is hiding from me. Maybe he doesn't want to help me out because I am so... so... ummm..
He said something about being at terminal 2 and I am standing at terminal 4. So I walk up to terminal 2 and that's where I spot him "hiding" behind a tall Punjabi maybe Giant Singh is his name. I go up to him and say hey again and he says hey back(read oh bah.she is back again.The annoying brown Indian) He asks me what has happened not because he is concerned for my well being but because he doesn't want to be the one helping me out of the mess that I always get myself into. Ok I am just kidding. The guy was a sweetheart ! Read on now.
Again I take his advice and get on to the train with him which is heading to Union Station in Toronto. The train is full as usual.I grab myself a seat somewhere close to him but not to close because I don't want him thinking that I was completely depending on him. We reach Union Station at 8:35 and the feeling that I can still catch the bus at 8:30 creeps in again. You may ask, how can one possibly catch an 8:30 bus at 8:35. Indian positivity ! :)
So anyway Hat Dude guides me to a lady sitting at an information desk and I ask her how to get to the Greyhound station. She says that I would need to take the subway from here to Dundas which is two stations away.
We wait for the metro.
Metro arrives.
We get on.
That's when he tells me his name. His name is Everton and that he runs a media company in Toronto ! Gackkh ! couldn't he have told me that earlier. I would have bragged on about my side too. Anyway, my journey with Everton ends at Union station.I thank him for all the help and get off.
Alone. Lost. Confused

SMITTEN BY A BEETLE IN RED

2008-07-09T18:14:00.003+05:30

You make me want to blush like a little school girl. A school girl who is still eleven but thinks that she can take over the world and swim in all of the oceans if asked to.

Your smile especially heightens my pulse rate making me breathless. It is reminiscent of a country boys' smile, simple and sweet. The one that makes you want to slowly unfurl yourself from the shell you are hiding in, into the bright sun.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. -
Kahlil Gibran

There are times when it becomes hard not having you around. There are times when I want to feel your face, when I want to smell your hair and run my fingers down your palm. There are times when all I want to do is put my head on your chest, hold you tight and go to sleep.

There are times when I can't put my eyes on you. But I want to. I wait till my heart is trembling inside my hardened throat and each finger is stealing its beat in their sweaty tips. A day will come when I will force myself to stare long enough into them to trap their color in my mind and memorize its contours down to a perfect t.

My feelings can be equated to a roads steep dip or even a taboo piece of literature that is only spoken of in hushed tones. It has secret code words and signals and are felt at the highest level of adrenaline tucked under the fingernails, sprinkled in veins and is separated in the fingers.

Our meeting and the courting after, was like stepping foot into water. A giant pool of swampy green and glistening yellow. When my feet were first captured, it felt cool and weightless; slippery against my sunburned skin. I was hesitant to swim, but with each flinching nerve, I slipped in further. Learning to swim still has its challenges, but I've gotten along happily, with floating on the breezy surface; each ebbing wavelet pulling me along.

A tiny fish in an open tank, feeling out the depths.

I want to let your hands swallow mine. Let your fingers inspect each curve, embedded bone, filling in its fleshy expanse like a map, marking all the spots you've visited.

Your heart resembles, a newly undiscovered sun, smothering my shoulders to trail down and pick apart my fears. I'll submit to it every time my heart shivers inside its bloody walls.

On my hands are planted all the words I've left unsaid. I force myself to meet the day when I will push them in my eyes and let you move close enough to read them.

Painting Nature's Silhouette....

2008-07-07T06:11:00.005+05:30

"There are no signposts in the sky to show a man has passed that way before. There are no channels marked. The flier breaks each second into new uncharted seas." - Anne Lindbergh

What borders a distant horizon
is a mystery delved in too deep.
The sky and the sea needled together
Like guarding a treasurer's keep.

If you held your breath
and listened in closely, you'd hear whispers
one or two.
Words string together by tidal waves
Chanting stories of mythical creatures
and of many a pirates' doom.

A lighthouse stands alert
at the edge of the bay.
With its poise , calm and distance.
Like an evening star
Guiding the lost, on their way.

Vegetation border shorelines.
Gulls speckled across the clear knit sky.
With such humble clarity and purpose
Did God paint his creative vibes.

While I am alive...

2008-07-05T22:00:00.004+05:30

I watched the movie 'The Bucket List' a couple of months ago and the subject wasn't an unfamiliar one. There have been 'n' number of movies that were based on the same lines but it was touching. When storytellers plagiarize such subjects over and over again, they leave us thinking and seeking the deeper realms of humanity where the varied degrees of materialism fail to play an effective modest role.
All pathological bugs aren't entitled to do the math to balance out how much you have saved up in the bank, they don't even look at what caste or race you belong to, what language you speak and like all other schisms unnatural they don't discriminate.
The reason why the movie was called what it was called is because Carter (Freeman) makes a list of all the things that he wishes to do before he "kicks the bucket". So I thought I would write mine too since I saw Aishu do it :D. So here it goes...

1). Drive an auto at least once !
2). Publish a book at 21 which would become an instant bestseller for a long time to come.
3). Film a documentary in Afghanistan.
4). Get one of my films to be screened at the Film Festivals - Cannes/Venice/Toronto or just all three.
5). Be a celebrity guest on Oprah.

6). Learn to play the guitar and then perform it on stage in front of millions.
7). Watch the sun rise from a hill top.
8). Trek the Himalayas just to smoke weed.
9). Go on a ghost hunting spree to Austria and England.
10). Feel like a million bucks !

11). Be on top of the game.
12). Plan a getaway and not let anyone know about it.
13). Travel the world for free.
14). Be smart enough to count cards in a gamble for which I also wish I was a whiz at Math. :P
15). Create tension like Speilberg !

16). Be a part of the big change (a good one ofc.)
17). Bungee jump from a cable car in Switzerland.
18). Get a flat toned tummy and a belly button :D
19). Scuba dive !!!
20). Win an argument with Amod.

Wish this list is not just a list

Ebay - For babies too !

2008-05-25T19:54:00.003+05:30

I am still working and no they haven't fired me for updating my blog.Hell I am waiting for one of them to come and ask me what it is that I am doing.The Editor-in-chief aka the captain of the ship keeps checking on me every two hours or something and the whole place is wired.Its a newspaper org so you do have the whole place setup in a network FYI.
The first thing that I am supposed to be doing when I start the day is to come and check for the latest news through this network or forum or software installed in computers which goes by the name Front Desk which keeps filtering news every minute from various news agencies around the world - AFP,AP,Reuters etc. The place that I am working at has tie ups with the NY Times so we keep throwing in headlines from there too. So at once I have 8 pages open - BBC,NY Times, Google etc etc, just to check what they are running as cover stories for the day.
So, I was as usual going about my days work when I came across this story that rattled about how a couple from Germany used ebay as a source to sell of their 8 month old son.The couple when questioned by police said that they had done it in the form of a joke (what sense of humor is that anyway??) and that it wasn't meant to be taken seriously.What were these people thinking really when they did something like that.Did they think that the authorities wouldn't find out or the Internet is just plain dumb to have not registered the auction as a joke ! Come on ! They need better defense than that.
The offer on ebay was something like this;
"Baby — collection only. Offer my nearly new baby for sale because it cries too much. Male, 70 cm long." and the opening bid was one euro,$1.58.
No one else really thought it was a joke and many people across Germany reported this to authorities who went ahead and busted the young couple.The women who is 23 years old claimed that it was a joke and she just basically wanted to see if anyone would make an offer.Her baby was taken to the hospital and she needs to be taking tests at the psychiatric clinic. I don't think thats enough for a woman who actually wanted to sell her own self and blood.
I wonder why people go ahead and have babies if all they want to do is sell them off.
Unwanted pregnancies you say. Use contraceptives. There are loads to choose from in the market. Maybe you can even let them be adopted.They are hell loads of agencies around who work for children welfare.
Selling?! really?!

DARK....... NOTT !

2008-05-25T19:21:00.002+05:30

I was whiling away time at work today not that I am the most important person around.Working at some top class newspaper organization for me will always be defined as deadlines and people running around doing stories for the next days paper.Its amazing to see how these people function.They are always on their toes searching and updating the latest news and information that may prove benificial or not effective for the people around.And wow are they fast ! Its only my second day but I find myself being really slow compared to everyone else.True that these people have been working for over the past so many years but then I am not someone who is patient.Not that i was born an Einstein but still whatever.
So yeah the main purpose to write this today was to update my blog which I haven't really for the past month and a half.I wanted to write something for so long but then I have had this writer's block for sometime now.Not that I am unable to think. I just have a lot of things playing on my nerves right now.
I have some people telling me that I write well but then they find my writings dark and gloomy and sad (?). They say that a persons writings gives us an in-depth analysis of how we actually are. I am a sensitive person and a EMOTIONALLY STABLE one too. I do write things that are "sad looking" or they may even sound the same but if what I am actually doing is searching within me for answers then I dont think there is anything really wrong with that.Everyone has their own ways to perceive and feel the things around.Some go deep.Some touch the first few layers and are satisfied with what they get.So yes its all about a man-to-man perspective.
Delving into deep is just questioning yourself on a more depthful basis.Allows you to get to know yourself better.Atleast in my opinion.
So yes bottom line is my blog is not sad or dark or gloomy.If it looks like anything of the sort..increase the resolution and the brightness of your system.

Look deep Within....

2008-03-29T22:20:00.007+05:30

Life as we see it

Is a form of expression.
An unpredictable adventure
that one endures and finds.
Most of the time we feel
Ugly,fat,dumb and unloved.
Someone constantly needs to
Ring that bell inside your head
That you are wanted as much.
You crib about the things in life
That's when you realize
What's yours and
What's mine.

Life isn't a bed of roses
And it isn't a rhyme.
Something that beats
Every hour of the day
That's life.
Binded by materialism.
Bowed down by Fate.
Sulking through the Day.
Loving what we hate.
Stop and think.
We can't have
All what we crave.
It's the patience that counts.
Put on the brakes.
So I'm still lonely
And my heart's ablaze.
He is the Light
In my darkest of caves.
Without him I am lost
In the deepest Maze.

2008-03-29T02:36:00.001+05:30

DEMOCRACY IN PAKISTAN

SUMMER RAIN

2008-01-17T06:18:00.000+05:30

It's been a couple of months since that season of rain and that to in the summer.Hell,it's been autumn since then.Dried.Yellow.Mellowed.

A dry,heavy scent in the breeze

Making it hard for one to breathe.

It's autumn since that storm of the summer.The storm that had a dim rainbow in the end.The storm of passionate rain.I am reminded of it constantly.It was a whole new experience.Definitely a different one. Unique in it's unspoken ways.That is the reason why I am so articulately reminded of it.

Personally, I love the rain.I simply love everything about it.The rumbling of thunder through the sky.The merging of full,heavy clouds with each other.The string of raindrops that fall like pearls from Heaven.The sound of their pitter-patter liquid of hope as they gently touch the ground.The feel of that purity on your skin comes along with a sense of freshness and relief.I love the smell of water touching grass.It's like a soft ,lingering smell.completely breathable and pure.I can smell it while I type.

I lived my life in a deserted sandy cove.Sunny and chilly are the only two experiences that I have known.The rain that came after so surprisingly and yet so smoothly still baffles me now.But when I look back now, I am not surprised as to what I did.It was by my own choice of thought.

I welcomed the rain with wide outstretched arms.

Like who wouldn't.Anyone in their sanest of practical minds wouldn't but I was neither.I was like a tiny plant in the midst of a harsh desert with an undiscovered oasis miles away.I was thirsty and I think I wanted to quench that thirst that had accumulated over the years and so I let it soak me and free my spirit of it's dryness.

I still remember clearly the purity of it all when it touched the first layers of skin,soaking me and everything around.I remember the feeling of engulfment from deep within and a sense of an unspoken overwhelming passion wash over me.

I felt like a cherry blossoming in the season.All full and ripe.

First it was slow.Soft and calm.But then there came a breeze.A slight one initially.By now the clouds had grown closer and had drawn the shades on the sun.It had grown dark and I could have sworn that I had seen stars.It felt like heaven nonetheless.

The rain came everyday.Bigger,sweeter and more breezier.It came and swept me off my feet.I allowed myself to sway in its melancholy rhythm.I initially used an umbrella to not fall prey to an illness.But the more I tried to cover myself up,interiorly I wanted to let go and I did in the end.I stopped using cover.Unafraid, I let it drench me.

I shivered.Got scared.Felt numb.Fell sick also but I loved every inch of rain that fell hitherto.I thanked the heavens for draining their love on me.It poured like this for a few weeks and a couple of months.I used to tell myself that someday the rain would stop and it would all be back to normal again.I tried to mentally prepare myself but my heart wouldn't allow it.

Every minute of every night turned into worrying doubts about whether I would be greeted by a chilled drizzle or a warm ray the next day.What I feared most happened.I had become dependant on it now.

I sensed it in the air before it came like a deafening calm just before the storm.I was dreading it since long and now it was here.Legally uninvited.It was hauntingly quiet when there was one last round of thunder and a heavy downpour before it all ended.This time the raindrops didn't feel like pearls.They more or less felt like pieces of shattered clear glass falling, cutting through the delicate parts of the skin that had welcomed it and so lovingly embraced it.

I cried in the rain.Openly and unashamed.I felt like a fool to have thought that it would last forever.My summer of rain. It had fooled me and I had allowed myself to be fooled.

I remember these lines from the series 'How I met your Mother' where Lily talks about a wandering urge to find what she really is meant to do in her life.The lines are as follows,

"There are certain things in life where you know its a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go," Yup, that was a mistake."So,really the mistake would be to not make that mistake because then you'll go about your life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not."

And here's the thing about mistakes.Sometimes even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.My memories of the Summer Rain are like little dewy pellets on everything that had been exposed to the rain, myself included.

Echoes of the Past

2008-01-11T07:23:00.000+05:30

I had a dream

In which

I saw myself

Standing strong.

Probably it seemed

Like a breakthrough

From everything that

Was going wrong.

I mellowed in the darkness

Gripped by nothing

but grief.

I didn't want to think about it again

'Cause all what I recall

is deceit.

Part of me wanted

to run away.

Part of me

wanted to cry.

But a part of me

Just stood there

Swallowing in the lie.

I lay in bed that night

Silently and calmly.

I didn't really want to

focus on those thoughts,

Because I knew

they would harm me.

I closed my eyes slowly

Listening to the voices

echoing in my head.

This is what I hear everyday

They repeat what

they have already said.

All these voices are

the flashes from the past.

A reminder of the ugly things

That weren't meant to last.

I got up and

drifted over to the window.

Looked outside at the rainy clouds,

Hoping for a rainbow.

All these echoes,

In the end that's what

we really have.

All that's left and gone

The emptiness,

that's what it salves.

I so hope that

someone will remember me

after I am gone.

For what I was and

where I belonged.

These echoes are what

I leave behind.

For as long as they are alive

I won't really die.

2008-01-04T23:48:00.000+05:30

WASHED AWAY

Dont turn away.

Dont pass by.
I cant watch you leave.
Cry for me sky.

Its in too deep.
The scar has grown.
I can't believe,
All of a sudden I'm the unknown.

Now I'm alone in the dark.
My fingers bleed as I write.
I wish your eyes would find me,
For one last time on this cold night.

I can't handle the truth,
By being in love with you.
I didn't close my eyes,
Its you; who makes me do.

Look at me for a moment.
I'm gone.

2008-01-04T02:13:00.000+05:30

LAYLA

She stood like a pale figure

Amidst the thick dense fog.

She was covered in white,

Her skin clinging

Underneath it all.

I watched her call out to me

I saw her reflection as a reverie.

I called out to her.

I reached out for her.

I almost touched her

But she fell out of my grasp

Like fine granules of sand.

I awoke to sounds of

My own heavy breathing

And realised it was just a dream.

I lay in bed thinking about her

Couldnt go back to sleep

My head, full of thoughts of her.

She felt so real

She looked so calm

Like a stretched ocean

After a thunder storm.

Sometimes i wish

She was never as adventurous as she was

Because it took her life

In the end after all.

At times i feel

I have no reason to live

When she was around

She would hate it if i cribbed.

I miss her even more

When I sense her around me

Its like a black hole

That I keep falling into deep.

The more I try to move on in life

The more I fall in love with her

harder than the last time

Giving me a reason to weep.

I miss her like

The desert misses the rain

My life's like a dry wound

Without the pain.

My love for her was

Deep as the deepest ocean

It was so much we had

Not just the emotion.

2008-01-01T20:09:00.000+05:30

Yes the memories come to me every now and again.Thank God, they donot stay.

2008-01-01T03:06:00.000+05:30

THE EMOTION WITHIN

I looked up for the meaning of fear on Google and it gave me a wide variety of links to pick it up from.The first option was answers.com and so I copied it.It defines fear as 'a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.' A vague explanation I would say but a definition nonetheless.

If someone asked me what fear to me personally was I would say its just another emotion,not a strong one if one had to categorise it but an emotion in the well of feelings.The depth and the quality of one's fears can be measured by the number of times one has been emotionally disturbed.

Fear was inculcated in an individual in order to derive discipline.The roots of fear have fairly been grounded within us ,deeply in our subconscience,gripping us unawares in it's snake-like fangs.Fear is different for everyone.It can be the fear of losing someone you love;fear can be the loss of a friend in an accident;fear of getting caught when you are lying;fear of failing in an exam;fear of a Dementor's kiss when starts to suck the happy thoughts out of you or just fear of the unknown.

There are fears that arise from attachment such as the fear and anxiety of not finding or being separated from someone or something we feel we need for our security or happiness.The fear comes to the surface from our own uncontrolled minds or delusions and in particular, the fears arise from the mind of self-grasping ignorance which is the root of all other delusions and thus the equivalent source of all fears.

2007-10-03T01:42:00.000+05:30

DEATH SO SUDDEN

There are things unsaid
Things untold.
Yet we know so much
Secrets behold.
I live to see the daylight yet again
But you are gone
And I don't know how to ease
My pain.
Didn't think it would come so soon
Life is uncertain
And there is no room.
You have gone to a place.
Don't know what it's like.
But I do know that
You are gonna
Be happy and safe.
Free from the strings
Of this God-forsaken place.
In the midst of reality
I find myself to face.
The pain of your death
That came in a haste.

2007-10-01T23:56:00.000+05:30

LOVING YOU WITHOUT A REASON

I am holding onto something unnerving
Something uncertain
Feels like I am flying without wings
Don't know who to trust
Don't know what to believe
If it's true love that you make me feel
Then why do i weep.
I don't want to understand anymore
'Cause I have understood enough
I don't want to be given reasons to
'Cause I have heard enough
I don't want to be lied to
'Cause I have cried enough
You are so close
And you mean so much
At night when I sleep
My heart it aches
Aches for your touch
I want you to know
That you make me happy
I want you to know
You make me cry
I want you to know
You are a big part of my life
Even though you aren't here
I still survive.

2007-09-16T16:05:00.000+05:30

COMFORTABLY NUMB

The journey which I am about to undertake is quite different from the one's I have taken before. I consider it a spiritual journey. A satisfying journey. I have decided to take this journey to free myself from the expectations and the norms that bind me to this materialistic,unsatisfying and greedy environment. Breathing seems impossible,suffocate to survive. Words can't be heard, scream till you die. I am lost in the melodrama of the footsteps, lost in the wilderness and the smooth roughness of his voice. He is the leader of the pack of wolves that scream,growl and wave for his attention. It is a place where you must let go of everything that holds you down. Let go of whatever binds you to the intricacies of life.

I feel like a free soul, soaring high.

I feel like a puppet, in the hands of time.

This place is a cross-cultural entity. All around me I see unfamiliar faces, worn out faces. I drop my head and drown in my sorrow 'cause there will be a no tomorrow like this. Music is the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. It brings people from different races,cultures,ethics,moral backgrounds together.Not a big fan of the hip hop culture, I feel Rock is what spells music - good,fulfilling,enduring music. That specific genre has people swinging to it,completely lost and untouched and I can say that with proof.Been there, done that.

His voice is deep matched with a prerogative tone. He knows what he can do with it. We know what he can do with it. We raise our hands, bow our heads, close our eyes and get ready to take a journey through the unknown. Colours,tones,lines and words describe the moment.Spatial relationships, proximities and time-lines attempt to hide/reveal what is happening.

I can hear voices. Sometimes past events echo and manifest themselves again in future entities. The pitch falls high and low. The waves from the microphone feel like the waves in the sea. Mesmerizing,engulfing and drowning you with each note that echoes through it.

Then everything comes to a sudden standstill. The music stops,the crowd gasps as he says that it would be all for tonight. The crowd screams for more of him in unison.I scream but my voice in lost amongst the voices of the heard.

He smiles,gets on stage. Clasps his hand in the form of an Indian greeting and plays one last song before he retires.

His voice could still be heard from far away. There were voices in my head that I awoke to so many times during the night just to hear the one last beat, a single note, to feel a faint glimpse of that beautiful faraway feeling that caught me unawares and left me standing,wanting for more.

2007-03-14T02:06:00.000+05:30

IN MOURNING.............

If only you could see the tears

in the world you left behind.

If only you could heal my heart

just one more time.

Even when I close my eyes

There's an image of your face

And once again I come to realize

You're a loss I can't replace
Soledad

In my heart

you were the only

And your memory lives on

Why did you leave me......

Lyrics from a favourite song dedicated to a friend of mine.

Focussing only on happy thoughts,it is usually easy for most of us to write anniversary or greeting cards but when it comes down to writing condolence notes for someone who has been a close friend, one tends to be at a loss of words and you don't exactly know what to say because your head is not in place and you are still allowing the thoughts to sink in and are trying to learn to live with it. We feel awkward and uncomfortable.Like a heavy bag of emotions that has been shook violently and you have no idea whaich emotion wants to break through it first - pain,agony,remorse,shock.

Never in my 16 yrs of educated life have I been asked to write a condolence letter/note/card and I don't really know how to go about it.What is appropriate? It is not something that I or someone else would do everyday.I have mourned many a deaths of relatives and acquaintances but never have I grieved over the loss of a friend. I guess that doesn't really happen everyday in our ever so "perfect" lives.

For me Pritish was just another friend who I loved dearly.He was a really good friend.How am I ever going to come to terms with the fact that you are gone and not just gone like to some other city where one finds solace in the feeling that you could atleast keep in touch with a phone call or a message but you are gone and I don't know where and you aren't coming back.

The last thing on my mind when I woke up that morning would have been to hear this,anything but this.I wish I could just go back in time and ask you why.I wish I could have known you even better.Wish I could have spent a little more time with you.Wish I knew this was coming and I wish I could have stopped it from happening.But there is no limit to time and space.You get lost in its wilderness and lose track.

How you laughed like a jerk at all my stupidities and on my getting "high" on plain Cranberry juice.How you didn't believe me when I said I was in an undergraduate program.How you wondered how such small "creatures" could possibly write such big things.How you told me the first time that I write really well just to impress me even though you hadn't read anything.How you confidently made comments about it by smartly asking someone else to read it instead of you.How you bribed me the other day just so that I would tell you why I was depressed.Remember Pritish it was the very same day when you held my hand and told me that you would be there for me through thick and thin.I thought they weren't just words.I thought it was a promise.

I miss you Pritish for all the things you were and for all the things that I missed a chance to know about you.You wanted me to write something for you.Wanted to see your name on my blog.

Here you are.

Just for you !

God Bless and may you rest in peace !

2007-02-19T20:54:00.000+05:30

Love isn't possible in a couple of days.Love could be set in motion quickly but true love needs time to grow into something strong and enduring.Love is,above all,about committment and dedication and belief that spending years with a certain person would create something greater than the sum of what the two could accomplish separately.

2007-01-08T14:55:00.000+05:30

No one knows what it's like

To feel these feelings

Like I do

And I blame you

No one bites back as hard

On their anger

None of my pain and woes

Can show through

But my dreams, they aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be

i have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free

2007-01-08T14:16:00.000+05:30

The extent to which I love you cannot be captured in words or in a phrase.
It is not possible to count everything I love about you by any number.
The depths in which my soul holds you close could not be measured in feet or any distance traveled.
There is no name, not even the most perfect of names that could justify the love expressed in what you mean to me.
There are not enough words in existence to describe what I feel when you hold me tight and gaze into my eyes.
It is not possible to have a phrase that could capture the essence of my hearts desire when you are with me.
But if there were a number, it would be infinity.
If there were a distance, it would be endless.
If there were name, it would be true love.
If there were words, they would be burning passion.
And if there were a phrase, it would be I love you in everything that I am.

2006-10-17T23:52:00.000+05:30

Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that's too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot! -

2006-10-05T23:13:00.000+05:30

"Let's swim to the moon,

let's climb through the tide.

Penetrate the,

evening that the,

city sleeps too hide.

Let's swim out tonight love,

it's our time to try.

Park besides the ocean,

on our moonlight drive"

2006-09-16T18:18:00.000+05:30

DEMANDING MY FREEDOM

This world is materialistic
This world is not for me
There are people who surround me
They are there to protect
But I still walk a lonely road.
I feel like I am a puppet
A puppet,who's strings are attached
to uncertainties.
They define their expectations
With no marks
I dont know what to do
I dont know what they are expecting of me
They say a man is born free
But I see myself tangled up in chains
Bound by ethical and social norms
I feel I m losing what is mine
I feel it will all slip away one day
This life is mine but ironically
not mine at all
I am not mine!!
I feel like a bird in a cage
Desperately trying to break free
From the stainless steel bars
that separate her from reality
I feel lonely and unwanted
You say you know me
You say you love me
But,honestly tell me
How much of those words hold truth?
Am I not yet another creation of God?
Do I not have feelings?
Why is that I have to change
Mould myself in a way
a way that you want
Why do I feel that I am not wanted,the way I am
Why does it always have to be me
who showers unconditionally
And in return I am stated conditions
Life isn't fair,
So,why bother living it
For whom do we work so hard?
Why toil ourselves
When we aren't satisfied
What is the purpose of our existence
I want to make a difference
I want to be given the chance
to commit my own childish mistakes
I want to fall down and hurt myself
I want to feel the pain
I want things to change
I want to break the monotony
of following aimlessly
Age old trends without reason
There are too many things happening
Too much chaos
Too many unanswered questions
But,there is one question
I want to ask you
And you have to answer me
Is it so hard
To let me be free?!?!

2006-05-15T14:33:00.000+05:30

LOVE SEALS!!!
It all began the day after I wished upon my first evening star.I felt my heart heating when I first saw him yet there was a gap between us.i couldn't feel my breath the moment I saw his eyes and boy oh boy that smile of his.WOW!!Punctured my heart capsules.There was something about him that I never understood and that always got in between us.The feeling of love is said to make a heart complete but this love was somehow being obstructed by one small little matter which was tough to figure out what!
Every moment we spend together was like heaven-the gentle kisses,the bear hugs,the friendly cuddles,the non-stop philosophical wisdomful talks! But every moment we spend together arguing was no less than hell,the drinking,the difference in opinions,the late nights,the bf's and gf's,the past!!To be honest we were scared.Scared that it might happen again.Totally pessimistic about the view that this time it might just work.
At times I wondered where was the tiny crack that widened us apart.We wanted to feel the passion within our souls.to feel the warmth and tenderness of of our love.In the eyes of destiny we were losing,yet in the eyes of the world we were winning.Only God knew how to heal us but why he kept it a secret is a mystery till today!
We were friends.I usually considered him bogus and I used to call him that 'cause the first few months were spent counselling him.We were totally different people in two totally different worlds but ironically living the same hermit's life.Whoever said that first impressions are the last impressions were so wrong!We had heated discussions about almost practically everythingFoul words were a form of greeting in one conversation.We spent seemingly long hours on the net talking about everything and nothing.No matter how hard we fought,deep down inside we respected each other and there was this unsaid understanding about the other one was feeling.Practically,blame the ego's.We knew where to draw the line.
It was like any other day.No the day didn't seem brighter,and the birds weren't singing and the flowers weren't blooming.It was like just any other day.It was just another sultry day and believe me it was hot!!I went online as usual hoping that he would be there(knowing that he would be there;)),making my everyday excuse of doing my school project.
We exchanged the daily and I fail to recollect how it all began ,what really lead to it.He said he loved me!Huh!!First i thought he was kidding,then I thought he was drinking and then collectively I thought he had now really lost his marbles.I didn't know what to say.i never expected it so soon and neither did I expect it to take place yetthough I was full of surprises.I am not sure but I somehow felt safe and a feeling of security crept into me.
He was mature and smart and funny,he was the type of guy I would have willingly opened up to.Over the course of time I realized we had a lot in common.i felt more optimistic and confident around him.He was like an untold inspiration,serene beauty poised in calm wilderness.I could do things that possibly the older version of me wouldn't have thought of doing.I grew up being a more "caring care-free" individual.He made a woman out of me.It was as if I was addicted to him that I became so hooked up on him in such a short span of time.
Now we began feeling different.There wasn't a gap,no crack,no leak.We felt perfect.After a year now I realize what that crack was.When we first just talked,we were two individuals of two different lifestyles sharing only a feeling.Now we were two,half individuals being bought as one into one lifestyle and I wish that I get to spend my entire life with him.I can't be sure when I say that I won't probably be saying those three words to someone else but I will probably end up not loving that person with the same energy and devotion that I love him with.I will never love anyone as much as I love him.
Inshort,it doesn't take two 1's to make a two but it takes two 1's to make a one.Love seals!!!

2006-05-14T02:18:00.000+05:30

Everyone needs somebody
to tell their secrets to.
Someone who understands them,
someone who's just like you.

When no one seems to care,
you always stick right by my side;
When my world gets dark and confusing,
I can count on you to be my guide.

We've experienced so much together,
but we always make it through,
Out of everybody in the world,
I'm glad God gave me you.

I know sometimes we argueover a stupid joke or lie,
But no matter what,
I can always be sure
our friendship will never die.

You've been there for me through thick and thin
and have helped me through it all.
When I have a problem or need your help,
all I have to do is call.

With you, my world is a better place
and with you, my world is true;
If I only had one friend left,
I'd want it... to be you.

2006-05-14T02:10:00.000+05:30

The voices of the MSN generation hitherto muffled beneath the beeps and squeaks of instant messages,have spoken.An unfocussed and confused teen signs an automated deal and publishes a book designed to help bewildered old folks navigate the war-zone of teen issues.Enough already of parenting books "written by 50 year olds psychos whose teenage years are long forgotten."Let the old folks know what it really feels like to be a teenager,our perspective,what we really think.
Anyways a friend of mine who is a real wily with almost and practically everything-prefers his name to be kept under lock and key after a trade of nasty emails in response to his unending ventures in the networking world.In his virtual guise he claims to be the representative of a generation who pretends to be something that they're not,whose playground is cyberspace,where spoken conversation is bulldozed by instant messages.
Cyberselves,according to him,are born "partly from that scare-Ooh,you musn't tell anyone your name else they will track you down(there are ways!)and kill you",but also because it's fun to reinvent yourself..Sitting behind the keyboard,you have alot more guts to be outgoing than you do in real life.It's a front for all that.
But for all the artifice there are elements of today's teenage generation that have ring of familiarity.He points out to me an extensive set of subcultures all of whom steady the shifting ground beneath their feet through brand names.He is zealous enough to highlight that our generation is subjected to an unprecedented level of scrutiny by paranoid parents.I decribe his efforts as "new tricks for old dogs", but there are some old tricks for "new dawgs " too:if parents want respect,they should "be consistent".And "we" need to put a bit of effort into it as well.
Like every young and upcoming enterpreneur before him,he is not without self-confidence,"I'm gonna make it big time(yea ryt)"Whatever the changes,teen spirit still smells like a crisp new banknote.And all the best to you dawg!!

2006-05-14T01:53:00.000+05:30

SAFE-KEEPING

It is for you..that I would do anything
For you have captured my heart...
You hold it within your hands, my love...
And you have from the very start.
You have presented me with a treasure...
One that I hold to so dear...
You've shared with me your heart, love
And I keep it with me here.
I promise it's held in safe keeping...
And I will not allow it to break,
I will handle it ever so gently...
Taking care not to make a mistake...
It is safe here with me, love, I promise
And will be treated with much love and care...
You can trust me to keep it so safely
While apart...I here and you there.
Then one day we shall join our hearts, love
And you'll see what great care I did take...
How I handled your heart so gently
And never allowed it to break.

2006-05-09T07:11:00.000+05:30

I look at where he's asleep
Never to wake up again.
I place fowers on his resting place,
to take his life away was a sin.
I remember the flashes of light,
I remember his terrified face.
I wish it were me and not him;
I should have given death a taste.
But even though he's gone
I talk to him everyday,
and the weirdest thing is,
I can hear what he has to say.
I can still hear him comforting me,
I can hear his voice everywhere.
I wish I could see him just one more time,
To show him that I always cared.
Why did I wait to show him my feelings?
Now that he's gone,
he will never know that
I cared for no one as much as him.
Why didn't I let my love show?
When he was near,I pushed him away;
When he was far,
I didn't say a word.
But if he had been closer to me
my heart would have been
the loudest thing he would have ever heard.
He had never been close to me,
but death brought us close together.
He's the wind,he's the tree
He's the running water.
My dear beloved
something I 've always wanted to tell you
is that
You are the one I love the most,
there was no one before you
and there never will be anyone after you
I love you!!

2006-04-07T06:42:00.000+05:30

A tear trickled down her rosy cheeks and dropped on the most dreaded papers in any married couple's life.Yes,divorce papers!She signed them
with a hard yet soft heart.If this is what he wanted then so be it.How can he do this to her she thought.After spending the most loving and
memorable years together,he of all the people ,he-her most prized possession,he-the one whom she cared for,she had loved all
these years,devoted herself to,respected,he-the one who had taught her how to love had shattered her heart into a million pieces that it seemed practically impossible to join the pieces back together.Why God?Why me...was all she could ask the Lord above..She saw the hate in his
eyes,she saw the unforgiving look and the love theat they had shared for so long,she saw slipping away.The promise that he had made to her
that he would be right next to her all through her ruffled times,she saw it breakaway.She wanted him now,she wanted him to stay.She wanted
to feel protected in the warmth of his arms,his arms where her whole world lay.She wanted him to wipe away her tears and tell her those
soothing words in his soft voice that,'baby it's gonna be ok.'
But as her attorney slowly asked her to remove her wedding ring,it all came all crashing down on her and she knew it was over.She removed it
with great difficulty.It felt stuck.Ofcourse,why wouldn't it be.It was where it belonged.It felt like removing the most important piece of a
puzzle,apiece that completes it.She looked at him with tear-struck eyes.He didn't bother looking at her.She moved away as he left,not
glancing even once to say goodbye,not a kiss,nothing,something that he hadn't forgotten to do all these years.He had divorced her for the very sorry reason that she was unable to bear a child,a son, a heir.She had suggestedto go in for a surrogate mother
but he had refused.She suggested adoption next.Again he refused.He wanted a child of his own.A child that bonded him to her.Unfortunately
she failed to accomplish that.On her way home,she wondered what life would be like.After all her better half was now gone.With whom was she to share her joys,her
sorrows?Who would take care of her now?Who would help her stand back when she fell?Who was there to understand her now?
She had married him against the will of her parents .Her parents were rich but were cold and distant.People thought she had a picture perfect life
but they were wrong.When she sought love,they gave her luxuries.Maybe this was one of the reasons why she loved him so much 'cause he was
the one person to understand that materialism and wealth are not at all the keys to survival.Love is!!!She had gone against her parents just to be with him and now he had deserted her.She felt all alone and lonely.She felt trapped and confused.She
felt empty.At the tender age of 28,when for most people life starts,life had came to an end for her.She had once thought that he was the love of her life.The light in her dark world.The inspiration to most of her triumphant victories.She didn't
believe in love at first sight,he didn't either.So they both took time in knowing each other.they didn't want to speed on in their realtionship as
they both had had bad experiences in their respective love lives.Nobody's perfect they saybut he was perfect,atleast for her.He fit into her so well[;)].They were like river and fish,sweet and sour,angel anddemon.He had given her what she had always wished for,maybe more-love,respect,care,understanding,loyalty and in return for all this he had
only asked for a child.When after two miscarriages,the doctor warned her about the difficulties that she she would face if she opted to get
pregnant again.This had angered him.He had come back home and instead of supporting her and being sensitive,he had cursed her.He cursed
her badly,abused her with words,called her names and said that she was uncanny and useless.He reminded her of all the things that he had
provided her with,all the sacrifices that he had made and she couldn't sacrifice her health just to fulfil his one deepest and most favored desires.In
the midst of his anger,he had asked for a divorce.She knew she couldn't blame him for his decision and agreed to it.She slowly drifted back to reality and invited herself into an empty home.She walked upto the refrigerator and got herself a glass of chilled
water.She sat herself down at the counter and a thought struck her.Should she call her parents and let them know that she was a divorcee
now.Maybe that would soften them a little.Maybe they would even suggest that she come over and stay with them.After all they were herparents.Wise people say,it is the parents who forgive their child when all others seem to hold them guilty.With hope in her aching heart,she dialled her parent's number.It kept ringing the first time.It rang and rang.No one answered.She hung up and
tried again.This time a male voice answered.She asked for her parents.He passed on the sad message of their demise a few years ago.This
disheartened her even more.They had left all their wealth to a charitable institution.One last hope of repenting her sins was now dashed to the
ground.She raised her tear struck sore eyes upto the Heavens asking for mercy.A week later after her divorce she went upto see her friend,Aira.Aira and she had been friends at school.They didn't interact much but were
good friends.Aira had left town soon after her wedding but now had come back with her husband and child to reside in the same
town.Grabbing the opportunity, the two friends became close and revived their friendship again.Aira understood Amni's feelings,her loneliness,her despair.Aira was not very rich in the common sense of the word but she was a mother andthat made her the richest in the world.Not all are bestowed upon the fruits of labor,the gift of being a mother.Aira gave Amni all the
emotional support she needed in her time of despair.She made Amni see the brighter side of life when she had thought that the torch in her life
had burnt out.She made her walk out of her guilt that was driving her nuts.Aira made her gain control of herself and her life.Aira knew deep down inside that her friend blamed herself for all the misfortune caused and she also knew that her best friend was desperately in
need of someone.Aira suggested that the next child born to her,she would willingly give to Amni.Amni was left speechless.She didn't know
what to say.Soon,Aira went into labor and delivered her second child.She gave birth to a healthy and strong baby boy though Aira faced some
complications with her health.But she kept her promise and gave off her baby to Amni to take care of.Amni was happy.At last her wish had
come true.Jus t to hold the little angel in her arms was a blessing in it's own.Amni now found a new meaning to her lonely and meaninglesslife.She was truly grateful to her friend.A few days later,she received a letter from Aira stating her sudden departure.it read:My dear Amni, You may never realise how happy I am that at last you have become a mother.Your dream of having a child has been realised.I know you will
fulfil your duty in being the best mother to my child.He is very lucky indeed.I know I have made the best decision by leaving him under your
care.I know you will take care of him alright.Amni,I am going to a place far away from here.I donot want to be tempted to claim him from
you.Maybe this is not the only reason.Maybe there are many others.I don't know.I really don't know!
Love,
Aira
When she rushed over to Aira's home,she found it empty.Aira hadn't left a return address neither any contact number.She hadn't even
mentioned to where she was going.She was unable to understand Aira's behaviour.She tried to locate her but all her trials went
unsuccessful.But,now she had a new goal in life.The only way to repay her friend for the sacrifice that she had made was to take care of the baby
and to provide for him all that was required.So she focussed all her attention onher son,Mikal.Days,weeks,months,years rolled by.She turned into a middle- aged woman.It was Mikal who kept her going.She provided him with all the
luxuries.All the love that one could possibly ask for.He was given things before he had even asked for it.Mikal grew up being pampered by his
mother.He turned out to be what seemed to be like a good example of a spoilt child.Everyone had the impression that Mikal was
selfish,irresponsible and careless.Amni turned a deaf ear to all their rude remarks and criticisms.Naively,she thought he wouldn't do any
wrong.She had so much faith in the love she had showered upon him that she knew it wouldn't go in vain.She was totally devoted to him.She knew deep down inside he had a soft and beautiful heart.One day,she received a letter.It was from Aira.She was surprised and happy at the same time to hear from a friend after so many years of
silence.She was about to read the letter when the phone rang.She went to receive the call leaving the letter open on the dining table.Just then
Mikal walked in through the back door.Seeing the letter open,out of curiosity,he picked up the letter and started to read.It read:Dear Amni, How are you doing?I know you must be really surprised and shocked to see my letter.You may want to know the reason why I am writing to
you after such a long time.The answer is to take my child away from you.Please give me back my son.I know I may sound selfish by saying
this.But he is my last hope.My husband and son passed away 5 years ago.I have wanted to write so much to you before but I just couldn't get
myself to.They both lost their lives in a tragic car accident.I have no one left in this world except my baby whom I had leftunder your
care.Please Amni help me.Help a friend who had helped you in her time of need.Hand me back my last ray of hope.I am coming there soon.
With Love,
Aira
When Amni hung up and saw Mikal at the table with tears,she was puzzled.He handed her the letter.All the while he stared at her while she
read.When she had finished reading,she looked over at him.Mikal now knew the truth.She didn't know what to say.For the first time in her
life,she had failed to ease his pain.Mikal slowly stood up and without uttering another word left the table even before she had time to explain
anything to him.He went to his room and closed the door on her.Amni sat there not knowing what to do.She wanted to cry but she
couldn;t.She felt choked.Aira was coming to seize him away.It had hardly been time since the shocking news had sunk in that Aira herself
showed up the very same evening .Aira seemed alot more stressed and tired.She was weak and had lost alot of weight.The two friends hugged
each other and cried their hearts out.But even before they could utter a word to each other,Mikal came out of his room,saw the two
ladies,walked over to Aira,took her hand in his own and walked out of the house without even as asingle glance at his foster mother.Amni just stood there watching him walk away.She was heart broken again.He too had walked on her just like Ayaan had 20 years ago.Mikal eminded her of him today.The same poise,the same look,everything.It seemed as if she was reliving the nightmare that had shattered her.She
was speechless.Friends,neighbours,colleagues were all shocked at Mikal's callous and ruthless behaviour.They felt sorry for Amni.They blamed
her for this.She was the one who had spoilt him.Had it not been for her easy going upbringing he wouldn't have walked out on her.Amni too
blamed herself.Where had she gone wrong?Again.People came and visited her.They said they felt sorry for her but stabbed her in the back
too.She din't know who to trust.She was all alone now.She cried herself to sleep everyday.After a few days,Amni went into Mikal's room She had been avoiding it for quite sometime now.She felt an invisible presence in his room.She
felt closest to him there.Everything in the room reminded her of him.Unlike other boys,Mikal liked to keep his room tidy and organized.She
started to recall the moments they had spent together and the bond that they had so beautifully shared.Sudenly her eyes drifted to a piece of
paper.It was a note from Mikal which was addressed to her.It said:
My dearest Mama, I know by the time you read this letter you must be shocked at my apparent cruel behaviour.You must have started to hate me by
now.Iknow people must be blaming you for the decision I have made.I am really sorry Mama.But,Mama do you remember a story you had
narrated to me when I was 5 years old and was in bed with measles.That story taught me an invaluable lesson in life.Let me remind you of it.In a
city full of troubles,God sent an Angel.He directed the Angel to take care of all the problems faced by the villagers.The Angel did as he was
told.One time the Angel fell ill and so did a villager.The people of the village were left confused.They didn't know what to do.They didn'tknow
who to save.They called a meeting.One of the villagers suggested the wisest of solutions.He stated that they save their fellow villager.The others
were left shocked and surprised.They remindded him of all the help the Angel had bestowed upon them.It was their one chance to repay
him.The villager defended his statement by saying that there was no need to help the Angel as he was strong.Just prayers to God would heal
him.They needed to help the mortal soul and that was their fellow villager.Mama, you are like my angel.You are strong and pure.God has helped you and always will.You needed me when you were in need.God
answered your prayers then.My real mother is like the human being from the story.God will help her too but through me.She needs me now
Mama.After all she is my birth mother.I am not saying that you were any less.I am very grateful for all you have done for me.I donot know
how I will ever be able to repay you back.God will surely.All I want you to know is that I love you very much.I hope you understand this.Please
forgive me if I hurt you.
Your ever loving son,
Mikal
Amni joyfully wiped away the tears.A radiant smile lit up her face."My son,indeed today you have made this barren woman a true mother",she
said."Bless you my son,bless you"She knew she had raised an obedient and dutiful son and this very act of his put a period to others criticisms.

2006-02-28T14:29:00.000+05:30

From the high moral platform of double standard they handed down the ethical code of free speech where freedom of expression outweighs the respect for religion.But the ethical code or moral code of double standard (Yes,lexically it is an ethical code..:-))gave them the edge of a hypocrite to deride one and respect the other.
Editor of the Danish newspaper which published the sacrilegious cartoons,rejected caricatures of Jesus because he considered them offensive.The Jesus cartoons hurt his Christian belief and outweighed his right to free expression.The moral high platform crumbled and fell flat!Hypocrisy,double standard,double speak are but the tools of the biased and the coward.Ironically today they are the ones complaining when the hysteria they whipped up is turning into violence.
Who is to blame for the anger that has taken the form of protest which is spreading across the world like Danish butter on a slice of bread?Who whipped up the silent rage into frenzied protests?It was the attitude of those who wiped out all values of responsibility and ethics with a stroke of the brush.
France,being one of those countries that have reprinted the cartoons,considers itself the most liberal of all liberals,had to put an announcement on all advertisements of Martin Scorcese's film,"The Lat Temptation of Christ" explaining the film was based on the novel and not on the gospel.
What about the so-called developed countries like Germany,Italy,Norway,Spain etc...don't they have Penal Codes issued by their governments?Doesn't their government justify the blasphemy in the name of freedom of expression?Are blasphemy laws in European countries restricted to Christianity?What kind of freedom is this which compartmentalizes the people according to their religion and race?What genre of expression is this which creates a wedge among the people?!

2006-02-07T04:08:00.000+05:30

INSPIRATION
Inspiration is defined as "to motivate by divine influence,to arouse a thought or feeling in someone".But it could also be transpired as "to show someone a new gateway."
One question I would like to pose is why do we need to be impressed?Is it human nature?Perhaps yes.Nobody in the wide world does anything unless they are told or inspired,it might be their best friend,a family member or their own conscience.Ofcourse we can blame this as human nature with the biggest example of Adam and Eve.
By the way what is it that inspires one?
Is it someone's presence?
Or somebody's absence?
Maybe a supernatural element???
Or plain old Mother Nature along with the celestial objects?An afterthought tells me all of it! One might wonder that what was it that made Einstein,James Watt and Newton make their discoveries?Was it an inspiration or the need to prove themselves to make a difference? i would like to end with a humble little advice I came across.Don't wait for some kind of inspiration to knock at your door,but look for it.Don't waste too much time looking for it either,just go for it!Remember you cane make a difference,not just to the world but to yourself too!

2006-02-07T03:59:00.000+05:30

I feel time slipping away from my hands just like fine granules of sand.The spirit of loneliness lingering in the soft whispers of air.The feeling of owned and loved by someone haunts the mind.I want to feel the gentleness of your touch.I want to feel the warmth of your breath.I want to stay right in your arms,A place from where no one can snatch me away.
I want to be a part of your dream.A dream that you foresee.A dream that will someday become a reality.A dream to be shared by two.And all I want is you 'cause you make me complete.It makes me feel whole.It gives me a light to follow when I tread on those dark and spooky tunnels.
I can still hear your voice whispering those three tiny words which set me free from that loneliness.The echoing voice travelling through the cares of the mind never stops and they won't 'cause I know you cannot stop loving me.I know a few facts of life which is worth sharing with you.For instance,I know the reason why I was born in this chained world.Here no one's free and no one's happy unless you have a shoulder to unload the burdens.Now you know why I am in love with you!'Cause you are the oxygen I ever breathed on Earth.
Every spice has its special flavor,every ocean has its depth,every bird has a song,every star has its light and every word has a meaning.And no day is complete with the words GOOD NIGHT!!

2006-02-07T03:54:00.000+05:30

In the middle of the night
Finding you not by my side
There is an empty space
A hole,a void.
Recalling those days
I'm choked to speak out
My eyes are brimmed
As my head bends to pour out.

Sometimes,sitting in solitude
I feel you right beside me
With those warm hands
And the soft gentle eyes.
I thank my stars every single time
I see you smile at me
And thank the One above
For making me so lucky.

I've always wanted to be
A part of your dream
The one which you have seen for us
The one built for two.
The day you walked into my life
I was upside down
But,your footsteps lead me on
And now I can walk upright.

No one knows a deeper value
Of your existence and words
Other than me and only me
The Light of your World!
The adventure on this journey
Is long and tough
But I know clutching onto your hand
I'll walk it through.

2006-02-03T06:53:00.000+05:30

MEN'S LIB.

"I held my breath and the door slowly began to open",he began,inspired.She did not seem to be impressed.Never mind.he would manage
something."And out of the door came a fabulous monster,the likes of which may never be seen on this earth again.It had three huge heads and five small
ones,fire in it's eyes,seven heads each with ten fingers and on each finger were six boils and from each boil grew another hideous one. "Five partridges in four pear trees?",interrupted his sarcastic and still unimpressed audience."Why don't you come right out and tell me the
truth?Where were you? What could he tell her?How can you explain away a whole hour of time you have 'misplaced' to any woman,particularly the one you happen to be
married to.It's situations like this that drive a man to deceit.But he hadn't lost hope-he'd try again."I was just driving around and the car ran into the pothole
(what are they doing with our taxes honmestly!)but it was actually a time warp and ......er.....well,maybe not."His imagination had run dry.He was suddenly
irritated.The obstinate woman was just being difficult."Listen,you obstinate woman",he yelled,"you're just being difficult(Ooopsss....fire alarm). His super-macho,indignant-man-of-the-family-how-dare-you-question-my-actions pose did lose some of it's ferasomeness,when it was followed
first by a petulant look and then by the grin that never failed to melt her.It did not fail this time either(Men are so blatantly good at emotionally blackmailing
women.......(sigh).She even suggested some excuses herself.How about,she offered,he really had been at the supermarket,but it was really a long line and
when he had come halfway,the checkout guy decided to stop for a snack.He pooh-poohed that ,though hurt,she protested,arguing she ought to know what
she herself would believe.He completely scorned this opinion.Had she,he inquired,ever tried lying to herself.Agreeing that she had not,she conceded defeat. It was 8:30 by then.A ll was centered around 9 and he thought it had been going fine,so far.in the good mood,he'd managed to bring about in
her,he was sure he would be able to handle everything.She had forgotten the lost hour and was perfectly agreeable to the suggestion that they go out for
dinner.Too perfectly agreeable.Why was she showing no more emotion than just plain agreement?Had he been wrong,when he thought he knew what she
thought?or was this the wrong day completely.Well,if it was,it was too late now. At the restaurant,her surprise at the reserved corner table was more unnerving still.But,then she really wanted an explanation.Why had he
reserved a table and then pretended to be so spontaneous when he asked her out?It was time for confessions. "I thought it was our anniversary",he said,taking the tiny gift-wrapped box from his pocket and placing it on the table in front of her."The time I
disappeared today ,I was busy choosing the gift.I know I have got the day wrong and I am sorry but I'll make it up to you on our real anniversary .We'll do
something really special then."In his monologue he forgot to notice the sheepish grin and the dropped jaw that accompanied his beloved lady's face.It was time
for a hell lot more confessions. "It is our anniversary today",he sighed."Well,why didn't you say so before?",she said."All day I thought I was the one who had messed up the
dates and made up that cock n bull story to get you to stay calm",said her very disgruntled spouse. "Actually I was the one who had forgotten",she admitted.There was a second of silence before he burst out laughing."I always thought that men
were supposed to forget",he said."Well,I guess you got the better of me this time",she mumbled through her laughter."Finally." She looked radiant and beautiful as the sun reflected off her brown eyes...just the way he wanted her to be....just the way she was when he had
first laid eyes on her 50 years ago.

2006-01-25T15:58:00.000+05:30

MY LOVE!!!

He is usually there in all my history classes and he is even my chemistry lab partner.He is so handsome.He sits opposite to me in class where I can see him clearly.He keeps looking at me and I keep looking at him.We are both lost in our own worlds while my teacher is teaching.Strange but true,he doesn't stare at any other girl in class but me.Weirdo!
Let me introduce this hunk to you.he has got these gorgeous eyes,if you try to wander into them you will never be able to find your way out easily.He also comes to me in those days when I have my exams.I try to make him go away but he sticks to me like flubber.I like that way of his..stubborn and firm...oh so attractive...the way he bosses me over.Always getting his own way.It's usually during those most important times when you have to pay full attention,he takes advantage of such times.It's an experience,believe me,when someone so tempting and seductive is sitting right next to you,it's just really hard to put your heart to work.
I always fall into those already laid out traps for me.I love him in many ays.I luv the way he controls me,hypnotizes me.He is mine.
Well,most of you must be waiting to be told who he is.He is ranked as No.1 among the lazy people in the world.He is the One and Only..............................................................................................
SLEEP!!!.........:d

2006-01-19T19:59:00.000+05:30

And when your fears subside And shadows still remain I know that you can love me When there's no one left to blame So never mind the darkness We still can find a way 'Cause nothin' lasts forever Even cold November rain

2006-01-13T02:53:00.000+05:30

DOTS OF ABSURDS
Sometimes I feel,
There is a lot to achieve,
There is a long journey ahead,
Inwhich there is no place for beds.
People mark me out of this world,
Words hurt me like the sword,
Courage,my friend,never lets me down.
Storms of defeat signal rains of triumph.
Is His message to swim for the cause of the crown.
Dreams are flowers which rule one's night,
Realities are thorns which live without diet.
Love other's life,your's will be long.
There is nothing to cheer in this world of tears,
Every moment of smile has message of fears.
Smiles of hope can overcome tears of end
Message of words is ended to tears
But people say
it's a collection of dots of absurds.

2006-01-13T00:02:00.000+05:30

ALONE......................

It was the day when the Sun
Did not seem bright.
It was the day when the moon seemed light,
And the stars were not so charming.
Everything was still and quiet
It was the day when I blamed my fate
For everything that was happening in my life
It was the day when the flowers did not bloom
And the day was like a dark nightI
t was the day when there was no one for me
Was I that bad
Was I not at all nice,I wondered
It was the day he left me
With moist eyes,
And a sea of tears and sorrows to hide.

2005-12-02T10:00:00.000+05:30

Now I will tell you what I have done for you
50 thousand tears I have cried
screaming,deceiving and bleeding for you
and you still wont hear me
dont want your hand this time
I will save myself
Maybe I will wake up for once
Not tormented daily
Defeated by you
Just when I thought I had reached the bottom
I am dying again!

I am going under
Drowning in you
I am falling forever
I have got to break through
I am going under.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I dont know what's real and what' s a lie
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I cant trust myself anymore
I am dying again.

So go on and scream
Scream at me
I am so far away
I wont be broken again
I have got to breathe
I cant keep going under.

2005-11-29T23:44:00.000+05:30

let us sit down together
And beat our heads in despair.
At the interminable killings
And never ending warfare.
Of brother killing brother
for the sake of his beliefs
Let us forsake our misguided paths
And seek peace and harmony
Amidst the rains
ofOur once beautiful city;
the city of dreadful night,
Where the treacherous knifeand flaming torch
Leave a trail
of orphans and mourning widows.
Cries of lament rent the air
As a mother cradles her slain son.
Distrust,more venomous than a snake,
Has slithered into our lives
and each believes the other
to bear the mark of Cain.
Let us end this madness
And renounce our
violent ways.
Stop this litany of Hate!
Let saner counsels prevail
For we are the sons of the same soil
Nurtured and nourished
by the same Mother.
Let us become truly
Our brother's keeper.

2005-11-29T23:39:00.000+05:30

THE BEGGAR
I met a beggar at break of day
Lying weak on he flagstones
of the city library.
Sightless eyes staring at the
edifice of learning.
Tryin to fathom its knowledge.
Finding no answer to
his craving hunger;
And bitter cold that graved
his aged bones.
A raindrop fell on
his sunken cheek.
like a tear it dropped
from unwept eyes.
Belly skin stretched like
a taut drum.
Hands stiffened in supplication
to the unfeeling passerby.
I met this human derelict
in the last lap of
his futile existence.
Mute testimony of our apathy.
Returning, I saw
his ghostly form
Under a shroud of dirty linen.
Some coins were scattered
here and there,
To dispose off his mortal remains.

2005-11-20T20:58:00.000+05:30

It was like home in these arms of yours
Something in your eyes opened locked doors
You welcomed me in endless salutations
As though I was the water for your parched inclinations
We spent years under the roof, exhilarated
About everything that happened to us, ignorant
About the future and when that blackened day arrives
Lunging at me, plucking me out, the sun barely shines
I am a tattered soul,lost in the wilderness, without you
This life means nothing
Without this clear blue sky that you finger paint
Without this line of glitter trailing
Behind you when you and I meander
Without the sound of fingertips tapping, teasing me,
Your haunting river stream laughing
I can never be anything without your source of care
The reason of every in taken breath,barely there
I will miss you for life and this love I will keep
With every awakening and every sleep.

2005-11-20T20:56:00.000+05:30

MY ROCKSTAR!!

I am intoxicated by the warmth of the love that the body beside mine generates,engulfing me in it's warmth.I slowly look up and find myself gazing into those coffee brown eyes brimming with love,those eyes that seem to promise me the world.I feel my heart expanding and a shiver runs down my spine.I feel my body fizz with desire as i gaze at his carmine lips.I close my eyes and lean ahead,awaiting his soft lips to engage on mine. A distant voice,I recognize it.It's Green Day,crooning and demanding me to walk on a lonely road.Furious and irritated,I hesitatingly break the kiss.Opening my eyes,I gaze deeply into the coffee brown eyes of Garfield!!!Dazed and confused,I shake myself out of my reverie.Curses........it's my mobile ringing.Liberties to dream peacefully chipped away by people calling you on the weekend.......aaarrgghhh...life!! My eyes half closed,struggling hard to hold on to the moment,I groggily pick up the phone.It's him!!My alarm clock works only 5 days a week,the rest two days he wakes me up,my ENERGIZER BUNNY :D 'Hey baby'.'Hey!'I mutter back,trying to stifle a yawn.'Still in bed?'"Then what.When does one get to sleep when everyday you are mobbed by the monotonous routine of never ending work.'He blows me a kiss over the phone.I return it. 'Since you are still in bed and there's no point in you fixing breakfast....why dont we grab something at the cafe.''Yeah.....sure.I will be ready in a few minutes.See you there.Chao"I hang up. Shortly I arrive at the cafe and see him sitting there at our usual "Yahoo" spot.He's reading a newspaper!!What's gotten into him.Since when did he start referring to newaspapers.I greet him with a little peck on the cheek taking him by surprise.'I ordered pancakes and coffee on my way to the table.Is it ok with you honey?'He smiles,'You know what I want and when I want it.Starting to read me like a book'. I raise my eyebrows and with a naughty smile admit,'More like a newspaper'.Sheepishly,he grins back.'Nahhh........just a little curious to know how many people are going to turn up at tonight's concert.'I sense the nervousness in his voice.I try to calm his frazzled state and make him feel at ease.In the meantime,breakfast arrives.As they say girls grow up to be women but boys will always be boys.They can never eat properly.Glancing sideways,I see maple syrup trickling down his chin.A sly smile crosses my lips and impulsively I lean ahead and lick it off.''Tharki ladki'.'I can't help it dude......you r soo irresistible.'We finish our breakfast and he asks me to come over to his place.Whoever could say no to an offer like that!! Empty take-out cartons litter the kitchen counter.Giving him the look,I dispose them off.He tiptoes behind me and wraps me in a bear hug and kisses me on the nape of my neck.I turn around,kissing him real hard.Ahh....I love kissing.More like I love kissing him.A weird characteristic you may say....something I developed recently.Gosh...........he's soo demonstrative in his affections and enjoys being stroked verbally and physically.He whispers into my ear,'I love you sana.''I love you too',i say looking into his eyes.There's a glint in his eye.'How about hitting the bedroom then',I raise my eyebrows and let out a giggle.'So early in the day'.'Cmon.....be a sport.Boost my morale for tonight.I need the vibrational energy baby.''Oh.....get lost.....there's so much work,not now.''I knew it woman.I just suggested if you could come over into the bedroom and pick out something for me to wear to the concert.'I playfully strangle him and he places a kiss on my forehead. His room resembles that of a true rock-n-roll fanantic.Walls sport posters of Jim Morrison,Aerosmith and his all time favorite-Eddy Vedder.He says he could go gay with this guy.Aaaahhhh........men!They are all crazy. All men seem to share the same tastes when it comes to colors.All I find is black,blue and gray t-shirts and faded jeans that seem to rule his closet.Shit..he could just wear all these to somebody's funeral!!With tension mounting up,I inform him that we need to hit the mall.He lets out an exasperated sigh.He hates to shop even if it's the need of the hour. I drag him to GAP,knowing where to find the perfect outfit for tonight's gig.I pick out a wide array of t-shirts.He gives me the disinterested look and teasingly points towards the lingerie section.Gesturing naughtily,he teases me.'I like that section better'.'Stop it,you pervert.' Knowing the person he is- adventorous,foolhardy,spontaneous,happy-go-lucky,I pick out the perfect assemble.We pay for our purchase and leave.'Not such a boring task is it?'I tell him on our way out.On not receiving a reply,I look over at him.He seems to be occupied.'Hey,are you ok?If you don't like the stuff I picked,we will just go in and change it'.'No....no...it isn't that.''Then what is it sweetie'.'Nothing serious.I am just a little worried about tonight'. I look at him.Nervous wreck.....nah.....can't call him that.Confident.Yes but not too confident.He's usually influenced by hard luck stories and gives in when it might be prudent not to.His easy-going,come what may,generous personality is what people most take advantage of.As I see him,he contains all those qualities of a humanitarian-patient,wise and compassionate and he loves,loves in a way that chooses no favorites and without prejudice.There is an air of mystery and an aura of secrecy around him,not many prefer to approach him because of his analytical and introspective temperament but at the same time he attracts a lot many due to his high aspirations and cheery disposition. He's a philosophical loner,the probing seeker,one who has access to prophetic wisdom and is attracted to the fine arts and philosophy and seems to have direct line to higher wisdom.It comes to him naturally and makes me naturally attracted to him,being a like minded individual myself. We arrive back at his apartment and he brakes hard jolting me out of thoughts of him.He looks at me closely,'Thinking of me again.Don't worry sweetie.I am fine.'He smiles assuringly.There is something so charsimatic about his eyes.They are so deep,once you wander into them,its hard for you to find your way out.I have lost myself in those eye of his countless times.He,being a constructive thinker,can handle details well and it's difficult to noodle your way into his methodical mind. I drive back to my apartment with thoughts of a decent nap.But on getting home I realize there's hardly an hour-an-a-half left.Bullshit!!Is time on a skate board or what?Anyways I take a quick shower.I come out of the shower wrapped in a bathrobe wondering what to wear.I pull out my whole wardrobe down.Somewhere in the "junkyard" I find the creme colored silk kurti he had gifted me last.I get dressed quickly jabbing a little makeup on. I arrive at the Java Club(that's where he's playing),check-in backstage,say a few hellos and sneak into the dressing room.Whoa!!My heart skips a beat.Looking poised and sophisticated,he stands out from the crowd.The perfect rock star.....my ROCKSTAR!!He waves to me.I walk upto him.He wraps me in bear hug and kisses me softly.'Nervous',I ask.'Yeah,just a little',he replies.Our little intimate moment is interrupted by the studio director signalling that the concert begins in 5 minutes.I wish him all the best,give him a kiss on the forehead and leave.Backstage,all his band members huddle up to together to say a little prayer. The comperer announces their arrival on stage.The lights grow dim.The curtain rises.The spotlight beams down upon them.A humble tune drums the ear and the beat keeps rising higher.Girls are already shouting and screaming in excitement and the dancing toes are already in action.The lyrics begin,the chorus starts and in the midst of blues his lips start to move.His words keep streaming out,the heat lifts his spirits up and I find myself humming to the tune.The show is a hit;the song is a hit and to top it all the singer is a hit. 'Did you enjoy yourself?',he asks,looking at me,gazing out of the window.I look back at him.Oh man!!He's amazing,that pose with a tilted head rested on his hand and a smile on his face.I replied,'to the fullest!'This drive back home at a 15 minutes walking distance seems like a century just passing by!The brakes are applied,the engine is switched off and the entire scene comes to a standstill.He moves closer;I rest in his arms and then................. I get out of the car and as I walk down the driveway,I smile back at the gazing face looking at me through the car window.I chuckle to myself,hum the beat of the last song which echoed in my ear and then as I turn my key in the lock,I notice a sparkling gem on my finger. And still the beat goes on....................................................

2005-11-20T20:50:00.000+05:30

Stop! Wait!Who is she?
the girl next door?
Who is she?
I wanna know
She sets my heart straight
keeps me up till the morning break.
She turns but never looks at me
Am I so impossible to see
I wanna get acquainted with my neighbour
'coz sheez set my heart and life on fire!
Sheez got the thing going on
thas y I cant carry on
Man,sheez hot wid a spicy clothing
She walks wid a twist that gets me going.
N I cant walk out of my bedroom door
coz I wanna look at her all da more.
Cant wait till she strips at night
Coz thas d wonder tht envies my sight.
Man,if I dint get her as my partner!
I'll find a way to be her gardener!
With my fingers crossed I hope I win the race
coz only then i can live my days !

2005-11-20T20:44:00.000+05:30

There is a time in our lives when both our self image and our self esteem are determined by other people. I remember when I was a kid my life was dominated by adults and kids older to me. I saw myself through the messages I received from them. Good messages meant good self image and bad messages obviously meant bad self image. The point is at such a tender age, I responded to those messages and formed a picture of myself and gradually developed feelings that were consistent with it. Naturally, I became what I was told about myself.
But, one of the most important things to understand about self-esteem is that as we get older we have to learn to think for ourselves. We need to realize that we have a choice about the way we are going to respond to the messages from other people. To make it simpler, no one can make you feel anything without your consent.
The point I want to stress more on is its what we believe about ourselves that counts. Who the hell cares what other people say about you. Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that other people aren’t important in regard to our feelings. True all of us need to be told from time to time that we are loved, appreciated and valued. Hey, we need our share of hugs too. It’s not only necessary, but fantastic, to be affirmed by other people whom you care about.
But, but, we can’t just sit there and wait for others to applaud us in order to feel good. We have to take things in our stride and do things that make us feel good about ourselves even without the praise. Then, when it does come, it reaffirms what we are already feeling. So there’s your Bonus point!
Other people can do a lot of stuff for us, intentionally or just made up to make us feel good. But, in the end what really matters is how we portray ourselves. The direct result is what we do and what we think.
So, your self esteem is the reputation you have with yourself!!

2005-11-20T20:40:00.000+05:30

Cinnamon Girl

Tennis is a game where you wait for ball to come to you, especially when you play a slow game of dry clay courts. Ramming the last shot with vigor and a feeling of banal pride, I ended the game. Pulling my socks up, and aligning the skewed matrix of racquet guts, I moved to the stands. Take some time before you grab the water bottle after a game, an always overlooked warning. I gulp a few milliliters of water, while my eyes still on the little space age kids. Really the so called “cool babies”, though even they know they are wearing plastic masks, their parents bought them from their riches. I take a deep breath, when I am checked by a pat on my rear head. I turn my head to see who it is. To much of surprise, it is that young girl I saw a little while ago, on the other side of the court. Fairly tomboyish, shoulder length hair locks, a cute smile and a greeting hi. “Hey”, I respond back. “Remember me”, she said. As blank as ever, I said, “no”. She bursts into an expected laughter. “How would you know me, we never met before”. “Yeah Right”. She took her eyes off me and started looking straight, “you want to play a game?” “No, not now”, I am already done, I replied without thinking. “I want you to teach me”, she surprised me with all that interest, and “I have been like watching you for a couple of weeks now”. “Hey thanks you considered me worth that”, I replied feeling honored. She looked back and smiled. There is something with pretty women that you just can’t say no, and if she smiles she knows that she is killing you. “Ok! Let’s give it a try. By the way, what’s your name”, I just couldn’t say no. “Sania Mirza”. “What the fuck”, I was creepy laughing. “Moron! That’s my name, all right! Just a coincidence that it is same as Sania Mirza”, she was annoyed a bit.I taught her a few basics, and shot techniques. Surely she hadn’t learnt anything from the training she was taking and I wasn’t sure that she will retain what I told her. Good for me that she got tired quickly. She was friendly and not shy, unlike me. Certainly, now I take my broadsword out whenever I see such an assault. But I liked the way she took things along. We went for a coffee after the game. I generally drive fast, but this time I wanted it to be slow. I wanted to prolong the time as much as I could. You like chocolates, I said yes I do. Again her smiling face, I wondered why god has been ruthless to men. Why couldn’t he make all men gay and reproduce and work hard for the welfare of MAN kind. You want to go for a drive? I gathered tons of courage and asked her. Not to my surprise she gladly accepted, “that would be awesome”. We went to the road of basking pleasures. Both side lush green forest, curvy roads with tulips smelting gold, and with her arm around my seat. You know why we have no ways out of this world, its because of the pretty things we see here. Every now and then in life we find something that is beautiful. God knew how to control population in his worlds. He sent pretty, material things down to earth to stray goats personified as men. But at times in life you want to untie your self.There was something I didn’t expect to flow in, “Teach my driving”. I resisted. I thought to myself this just gone adult might ram us down some where. She put her hand on my arm and pleaded trust. For a while I just wanted that she never left my arm, but then I would be a sculpture, with donkeys peeing on my feet and crows shitting on my head. “All right! All right, but we just go straight all right, and you do no ruff handling, go smooth”, would I have a chance to say thanks to god. Driving lessons to cutie, another nice job option. Did she smell good, god did all adversities with men only, even after so much sweating she was fragrant. You start slow. Ok. First lessons, I remembered my Dad’s driver, rather I should call him Guruji, and the things he taught me, first lessons are always remembered, like first kiss, first date, first heart break…you can never forget them. I told her all that shit and we moved forward with a few hitches. I just cannot help my dirty mind, or perhaps my so called Dog nature, I looked at her slender legs, and I could take my eyes of them. A woman charisma is like that only, a seduction act, when you let yourself lose. “Nice legs”, I ain’t afraid of complimenting her assets. She daggers another shot into my heart with her foxy eyes and naughty smile. To my ill fate the feet at the end of those flashy legs were pestering the poor accelerator a little too much. My heart concomitant with the poor engine both were pumping hard for survival.“Hey! Calm down. Slow it baby, you don’t have to press it too hard”, I almost shouted. She didn’t listen; instead she gave a kinky look back. You are driving for the first time, slow it. She won’t listen, we were already crossing sixty, my grabbed the hand brake, and the need could be anytime. I screamed again, “why are you doing this? I will pull the hand brake if you persist”. Don’t do that she responded smiling. This girls gone crazy and is going kill me today. We will touch hundred in a little time, please slow down, I literally begged. She felt the wave and quivered not in fear but with a nitro boost. I will slow down if you say that you love me, she caught me with sheer surprise. What is this crap? I retorted. Are you high on crack? No but moron say that you love me. Why do you want me to love you? We don’t even know each other. No, just say it.Why I have to be adamant about certain things all the time? All right! All right! I love you. I love you a lot Sweet heart. And she slowed down and granted me life. She brought the car from 60 to zero in less then five seconds and caused me palpitation. This crazy girl removed her seat belt and kissed me, or rather suffocated me, something that I was supposed to do. She was all drenched with excitement and told me that she knew how to drive; she was just playing a game, and yeah last but not the least she smelled good ;), the cinnamon girl.

2005-11-20T20:26:00.000+05:30

The Power of Love!!

The sound of your heartbeat
The depth of your eyes
The warm touch of your hand
measures
the power of love!

The care in your arms
The romance in your voice
The comfort in your words
measures
the power of love!

The tenderness in your touch
The eternity in your kiss
The support in your nature
measures
the power of love!

Deeper than the deepest ocean
Higher than the highest mountain
Broader than the milky way
shows
the power of OUR love!

2005-11-20T20:03:00.000+05:30

I WATCHED YOU..........

I watched you pass into the
sands of time
And my heart it wished
Wished that you could still be mine.

I watched youleave in the arms
of another
And my heart it yearned
Yearned for us to be together.

i watched you turn your back away
And my heart it longed
Longed for you
to say.

I watched you leave me
in the past
And my heart it prayed
prayed that this separation
would not last.

I wacthed you hold her hand
and leave
And my heart it drained
Drained like a sieve.

But I only watched you,just watched you.

I watched you get married
And my heart it bled
Bled for the love
that it carried.

I watched you hold her
everyday
And my heart it cried
Cried for the love
that would never stay.

I watched you two go home together
And my heart it wept
Wept for the everlasting love
That didn't last forever.

I watched you put your arm
Around her waist
And my heart it broke
Broke by the love that had left
in a haste.

I watched you call her your wife
And my heart it cried
Cried out of shame
of my own life!

All because I watched you
Never touched you
I lost you
Because I watched you
Only watched you...................